thou shalt not conform when thou could blaze thy own path..

downthrodden

*sigh..

today's one heck of a challenging day. been rushing the client's material for weeks now, still couldnt seem to do much. some more need to review on the reportings tat's being displayed. may need to pend the whole darn system. and yet i thought twas a simple system which needs users to view the reporting only. guess there's more to it. been working here a year, shuld have been an expert by now. anyway, summary from them; twas a crappy system. *sigh..

guess there's loads of reporting stuff i dun know bout. been thinking really deeply bout changing lines n all, perhaps go towards smtg tat i'm really good at and let go of smtg so factual such as this; programming line by line.

truthfully, i've never thought i'd turn out to be a programmer my whole life, it's such a boring 5 days routine looking at the darn screen and fire away. so unflexible, straight cut and well..smtg i never thought i'd ever tried my hands at.

always thought of goin for some artistic line or smtg, or join the hr dept, or do management stuff, or become a teacher, the last was cos i was really good at handling kids and see how they turn out to be. things tat requires me to do using my right brain; more on linguistic and stuff, or smtg tat requires me to amplify a potential thingy. now my left brain has grown bigger and my right brain's throbbing like mad. tis line is making me losing the balance of my life! *argh..

anyway, i've never known myself to give up on anything. if i cant do anything rite, i'd merely immerse myself in it till i get it rite. which is soooOooo f*cking stoopid, cos i just dun seem to know when to give up!! *sigh..somemore i end up becoming like a zombie.

i'm so intense at tis..but then, being an artist merely amplifies a lot of my emotions, which i cant say is a good thing.

mayb i shuld take up some musical instrument like flute or smtg; piano's too hard to move, guitar's too norm, drum cant practice in a room..been thinking of guzheng, but the darn thing cost me to kingdom come. so flute it is. havent decided if i shuld take chinese flute or clarinet, dun really like clarinet, the sound's too shrill for my liking. chinese flute seems nice. like the sound of wind against a grassy back drop..

anyway, just feels like writing a while. then tomorrow wil be a better day. they always do..

cheers dude..and stop patting my back.

oh yea, did i mention they are charging the darn com for the enhancement of my sys for usd 20k? i know! *duh! irony irony..(head shaking with disbelief)

Labels: Angst, Daily, Pain

posted by M.E. # 8:28 PM

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thou shalt not conform when thou could blaze thy own path..

downthrodden

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