thou shalt not conform when thou could blaze thy own path..
Standing Still
Sorry been in silent mode lately. Speech escapes me at the moment, literally..sorethroat u see, and other cause n effects.
Here's my story.
Last week my sis n i had been anticipating when to go back swk cos my grandpa's condition was not favourable. We were just waiting for the phone call frm my mum. We wanted to go back earlier, but she said no, cause all the relatives were back, we'd b just be cumbersome under the circumstance.
On thursday morn, she called us in the morn telling us to go home. So i booked the earliest available flight which only is available on friday afternoon.
On friday noon, as I was on the way home to setapak from collecting my sis flight tix, i received a call frm home saying tat my grandpa passed away around 7 smtg in the morn, tat day. It was really a heartbreaking moment as i just met him not too long ago during cny, and he was really strong back then. We just never expected his early parting.
So, my sis n i went home to attend his funeral. All his children are back, with their respective partners. I saw a lot of my uncles whom I didnt get to see on cny and for many years, they put their business and other affairs on hold for that few days. The aunts n uncles were split to 2 different accomodation; my house n my uncle's house which is a mere foot distance frm my street.
On friday, we had the so call pre-funeral meals at my uncle's plc, they asked for help on the funeral arrangements from the Ngu's Association. I never know that such associations handle such event, twas a revelation how kenduri-style it was as they wrote names on banners made from sticks n white cloth and prepared the right cloth (white, yellow, red cloth) distribution. The quality of the white cloth also denotes different usability. One of my uncles mentioned tat the art of such arrangements are dying. Twas sad to see such cultures to dissappear, though I've never approved of how gender bias the arrangements are. Cos I'd think, wat about those families who's deceased only hav their grandchild frm their daughter's side? Who'd walk the street in respect for their love one? What if the grandchildren love the deceased so much, but are not entitled to the funeral tradition, would they risk the norm by paying respect in equal of a son's/daughter's status? To lost a love one is already a pitiful event, to not being able to take the stand and pay their last respect is just beneath pity,
On saturday, we had to prepare for the put-into-coffin ceremony. All my aunts n uncles hav to wear special clothing to go to the mortuary at the hospital to attend the ceremony, along with friends and relatives. There's a pantang that one cant wear specs to see the body of the deceased. I was the photographer for the ceremonies, so eyes blur from retina limitations and free flow of tears and lack of experience in photographing such phenomenon and not knowing which shots can be taken or cant..i just clicked away as we were all succumbed to free flow of emotions as my grandpa's eldest child (my aunt) combed his hair for the last time. It was a heart wrenching moment. And I didnt want to immortalise smtg tat's not meant to be shared on a cheap piece of photo, regardless of how precious the moment may be. Some things are meant to be shared privately. But i took the photos of my grandpa's body lying peacefully in the coffin, cos he looked like he was sleeping, and I was requested to take it.
He was wearing a western suit with a pair of very smart shoes, courtesy of the sons-in-laws (another pantang). I'm always curious to know what clothes would they wear when one passes away, the olden chinese wear with rounded cap or the western suit. Guess my grandpa's ceremony was influenced with a mixture of both olden and christian influence. Before he passed away, my grandpa mentioned he was scared of cold. So my grandma had 39 blankets brought to be placed underneath him in the coffin, the number denotes the number of daughters and granddaughters that he have.
Then they placed his body in the wooden coffin, and plastered the sides. Another heart wrenching moment as they screwed in the first bolt to the coffin. It marked the reality, the finality, the last time we'd ever see him.
*sigh..
After the ceremony, we went back to our own house, simply quiet from the previous event. Emotionally drained, yet there's still tomorrow.
Sunday came, and we drove up to another town, to put the coffin at it's respective tomb. The tomb's been built more than 10 yrs back, for my grandparents', under the order of my grandpa, so he'd had a resting place when he was no longer breathing. As soon as we arrived at Bintangor, we had a short walking processions at the town, the children n relatives walking, the rest of the ppl driving their cars with a towel drapped on the left side of the sideview mirror, driving slowly behind a walking procession in respect of the passing. I saw a large bus with a towel drapped at its mirror, my grandpa must've been a really respective person to actually hav a bus driver to pay a respect to him with the permission of driving the bus, which belongs to the public transport company (if u know how my brain works, u'd be able to deduct tis piece of info in a jiffy, else, ponder a while). Mayb i'm in awe of the large bus, mayb i'm in awe of the person who managed to borrow the bus for the procession, or mayb i'm in awe of the influence my grandpa had on the bus driver to actually manage to borrow the bus for a half day's procession, missing on the income they'd hav on a weekend morn. Or mayb i'm simply naive, a lil gal still in awe of seeing a bus moving patiently in line behind a procession of ppl on foot.
After the simple procession, we drove to the tomb site, awaiting to place his coffin at it's rightful place. As we walked to the tombstone, which are largely made from large above ground cone shaped brick tomb, I saw all the other tomb had been decorated and furnished with marble and cemented shades. Later, when I asked my aunt how come grandpa's tomb's not shaded and if we r planning put any plane atop his tomb (my granpa had a cemented plane made atop his mother's tomb, smtg to signify a carriage to bring his mother's spirit to a different land of the non-living) , she told me tat's cause we arent allowed to decorate the tomb if it's still empty. Another pantang thing. And she mentioned too, tat my grandpa's tomb was apparently the last tomb overlooking the hill top tat's unfurnished. He lived long, longer than his predicted 74 yrs, 4 yrs longer. If the darn suspected-cancer (which cant be biopsied cos he was too weak to last the procedure) in his lung hasnt occured, he'd lived to see his 80's bday.
After they put his coffin into the tomb, they sealed the opening with cement and we walked 3 circles around the tomb. We changed from white cloth drapped around one of our shoulder to the waist to red cloth, signifying the finishing of the ceremony. The white cloth will b used by the sons to put atop their houses' front door entrance for a period of time, denoting a passing of a family member. And everybody will go to a simple meal at a restaurant as a token of thanks from the deceased family to the ppl who came to pay respect to the respective person. There were around 5-7 dishes, with personalised menu made from simplest of dish, and the family of the deceased will hav to stop eating after a few dishes then depart to the staircase to await for the ppl to depart.
My eldest aunt said she asked my grandpa to bless us and our children and our children's children. He's such a great man that when he lived, ppl respect him, and when he passed on, ppl learnt from him. My aunts told me of the great man that he was, and how he'd bless us regardless of where we are, how blessed they are for having elder sisters and brothers.
I really liked the gathering, post funeral at home. Cos I see so many different chemistry, all cause and effect of and from the one person whom they love. All gather under the same roof, trying to disregard the different lifestyle or state of comfort just so they can make comfort the people who feel the lost more, my grandma and my aunt who lives with them. My calm and steadfast eldest aunt with her husband; who's ceaselessly making us laugh with his attempt to buy my aunt's affection, my steady mum and dad trying to make more room for us all, my lawas shopkeeper aunt and uncle; whom I've not met for some time whose weight has ranged frm M, L and XL and tried to make time with his wife by goin for some quiet afternoon jog together, my youngest uncle and newly acquired aunt; whom married at later age but fit in effortlessly, my eldest uncle and aunt and children; whom I used to lead when I was small and whom knew how to respect ppl older than they are or at least tried, and the rest of my aunts and uncles whom I will meet again every year, chinese new year.
I came back the next day on an afternoon flight, feeling some how, never really lost his presence, cos it's true wat they say, a presence is not lost, if u place them by ur heart. But tat familiar feeling when he was around, the pillar of quiet strength, I think I'd feel tat lost when I go back for chinese new year next year.
Till then, my prayer goes, and hopefully I'll learn more in my journey for acceptance and self revelation. And if I'm lucky, meet more ppl like my grandpa along the road.
Here's my story.
Last week my sis n i had been anticipating when to go back swk cos my grandpa's condition was not favourable. We were just waiting for the phone call frm my mum. We wanted to go back earlier, but she said no, cause all the relatives were back, we'd b just be cumbersome under the circumstance.
On thursday morn, she called us in the morn telling us to go home. So i booked the earliest available flight which only is available on friday afternoon.
On friday noon, as I was on the way home to setapak from collecting my sis flight tix, i received a call frm home saying tat my grandpa passed away around 7 smtg in the morn, tat day. It was really a heartbreaking moment as i just met him not too long ago during cny, and he was really strong back then. We just never expected his early parting.
So, my sis n i went home to attend his funeral. All his children are back, with their respective partners. I saw a lot of my uncles whom I didnt get to see on cny and for many years, they put their business and other affairs on hold for that few days. The aunts n uncles were split to 2 different accomodation; my house n my uncle's house which is a mere foot distance frm my street.
On friday, we had the so call pre-funeral meals at my uncle's plc, they asked for help on the funeral arrangements from the Ngu's Association. I never know that such associations handle such event, twas a revelation how kenduri-style it was as they wrote names on banners made from sticks n white cloth and prepared the right cloth (white, yellow, red cloth) distribution. The quality of the white cloth also denotes different usability. One of my uncles mentioned tat the art of such arrangements are dying. Twas sad to see such cultures to dissappear, though I've never approved of how gender bias the arrangements are. Cos I'd think, wat about those families who's deceased only hav their grandchild frm their daughter's side? Who'd walk the street in respect for their love one? What if the grandchildren love the deceased so much, but are not entitled to the funeral tradition, would they risk the norm by paying respect in equal of a son's/daughter's status? To lost a love one is already a pitiful event, to not being able to take the stand and pay their last respect is just beneath pity,
On saturday, we had to prepare for the put-into-coffin ceremony. All my aunts n uncles hav to wear special clothing to go to the mortuary at the hospital to attend the ceremony, along with friends and relatives. There's a pantang that one cant wear specs to see the body of the deceased. I was the photographer for the ceremonies, so eyes blur from retina limitations and free flow of tears and lack of experience in photographing such phenomenon and not knowing which shots can be taken or cant..i just clicked away as we were all succumbed to free flow of emotions as my grandpa's eldest child (my aunt) combed his hair for the last time. It was a heart wrenching moment. And I didnt want to immortalise smtg tat's not meant to be shared on a cheap piece of photo, regardless of how precious the moment may be. Some things are meant to be shared privately. But i took the photos of my grandpa's body lying peacefully in the coffin, cos he looked like he was sleeping, and I was requested to take it.
He was wearing a western suit with a pair of very smart shoes, courtesy of the sons-in-laws (another pantang). I'm always curious to know what clothes would they wear when one passes away, the olden chinese wear with rounded cap or the western suit. Guess my grandpa's ceremony was influenced with a mixture of both olden and christian influence. Before he passed away, my grandpa mentioned he was scared of cold. So my grandma had 39 blankets brought to be placed underneath him in the coffin, the number denotes the number of daughters and granddaughters that he have.
Then they placed his body in the wooden coffin, and plastered the sides. Another heart wrenching moment as they screwed in the first bolt to the coffin. It marked the reality, the finality, the last time we'd ever see him.
*sigh..
After the ceremony, we went back to our own house, simply quiet from the previous event. Emotionally drained, yet there's still tomorrow.
Sunday came, and we drove up to another town, to put the coffin at it's respective tomb. The tomb's been built more than 10 yrs back, for my grandparents', under the order of my grandpa, so he'd had a resting place when he was no longer breathing. As soon as we arrived at Bintangor, we had a short walking processions at the town, the children n relatives walking, the rest of the ppl driving their cars with a towel drapped on the left side of the sideview mirror, driving slowly behind a walking procession in respect of the passing. I saw a large bus with a towel drapped at its mirror, my grandpa must've been a really respective person to actually hav a bus driver to pay a respect to him with the permission of driving the bus, which belongs to the public transport company (if u know how my brain works, u'd be able to deduct tis piece of info in a jiffy, else, ponder a while). Mayb i'm in awe of the large bus, mayb i'm in awe of the person who managed to borrow the bus for the procession, or mayb i'm in awe of the influence my grandpa had on the bus driver to actually manage to borrow the bus for a half day's procession, missing on the income they'd hav on a weekend morn. Or mayb i'm simply naive, a lil gal still in awe of seeing a bus moving patiently in line behind a procession of ppl on foot.
After the simple procession, we drove to the tomb site, awaiting to place his coffin at it's rightful place. As we walked to the tombstone, which are largely made from large above ground cone shaped brick tomb, I saw all the other tomb had been decorated and furnished with marble and cemented shades. Later, when I asked my aunt how come grandpa's tomb's not shaded and if we r planning put any plane atop his tomb (my granpa had a cemented plane made atop his mother's tomb, smtg to signify a carriage to bring his mother's spirit to a different land of the non-living) , she told me tat's cause we arent allowed to decorate the tomb if it's still empty. Another pantang thing. And she mentioned too, tat my grandpa's tomb was apparently the last tomb overlooking the hill top tat's unfurnished. He lived long, longer than his predicted 74 yrs, 4 yrs longer. If the darn suspected-cancer (which cant be biopsied cos he was too weak to last the procedure) in his lung hasnt occured, he'd lived to see his 80's bday.
After they put his coffin into the tomb, they sealed the opening with cement and we walked 3 circles around the tomb. We changed from white cloth drapped around one of our shoulder to the waist to red cloth, signifying the finishing of the ceremony. The white cloth will b used by the sons to put atop their houses' front door entrance for a period of time, denoting a passing of a family member. And everybody will go to a simple meal at a restaurant as a token of thanks from the deceased family to the ppl who came to pay respect to the respective person. There were around 5-7 dishes, with personalised menu made from simplest of dish, and the family of the deceased will hav to stop eating after a few dishes then depart to the staircase to await for the ppl to depart.
My eldest aunt said she asked my grandpa to bless us and our children and our children's children. He's such a great man that when he lived, ppl respect him, and when he passed on, ppl learnt from him. My aunts told me of the great man that he was, and how he'd bless us regardless of where we are, how blessed they are for having elder sisters and brothers.
I really liked the gathering, post funeral at home. Cos I see so many different chemistry, all cause and effect of and from the one person whom they love. All gather under the same roof, trying to disregard the different lifestyle or state of comfort just so they can make comfort the people who feel the lost more, my grandma and my aunt who lives with them. My calm and steadfast eldest aunt with her husband; who's ceaselessly making us laugh with his attempt to buy my aunt's affection, my steady mum and dad trying to make more room for us all, my lawas shopkeeper aunt and uncle; whom I've not met for some time whose weight has ranged frm M, L and XL and tried to make time with his wife by goin for some quiet afternoon jog together, my youngest uncle and newly acquired aunt; whom married at later age but fit in effortlessly, my eldest uncle and aunt and children; whom I used to lead when I was small and whom knew how to respect ppl older than they are or at least tried, and the rest of my aunts and uncles whom I will meet again every year, chinese new year.
I came back the next day on an afternoon flight, feeling some how, never really lost his presence, cos it's true wat they say, a presence is not lost, if u place them by ur heart. But tat familiar feeling when he was around, the pillar of quiet strength, I think I'd feel tat lost when I go back for chinese new year next year.
Till then, my prayer goes, and hopefully I'll learn more in my journey for acceptance and self revelation. And if I'm lucky, meet more ppl like my grandpa along the road.
Labels: Thoughts
posted by M.E. # 6:16 PM
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