thou shalt not conform when thou could blaze thy own path..
Rebellious
Been reading the "Year of Yes" proclaimed bibliography bout a gal who'd say yes to anyone who ask her out, regardless of gender or age. The writer's got some twisted sense of humour. Entertaining reading material though, cant beat "Why men have nipples..and other questions you ask after the third martini" though.
Cant bear reading novels lately, too much false promises and bad imaginations (kidnapped to a lone island and deduced to seducing the kidnapper? spare me..). Plus the heroins are shaped like anorexic nymphomaniac on the loose..
Oh well..
Went for a shopping marathon last weekend. Bought facial products from skinfood (some korean originated shop); 2 mask bottles (black sugar and banana yogurt, yummy) and liquid eyeliner plus remover.
Tried out a transparent gloss that changes color to ur skin temperature..too meringue sweet for me..and my lips threaten to sprout tiny watery volcanic erupticles that I had to swipe the gloss off as soon as it touches my lips..oh humanity..wat is life when a gal cant even try on a lip gloss!!! I'll hav to stick to my brown red earth, that's the only one I use till of today that has yet to have me breakout in sweats or end up looking like a reptile wannabe.
*sigh..I think I'm starting to develope a new doppelganger, the girlish type. *wimpering-n-choking..WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME?? (Jesse McCartney's song bellowing in the background)
Is this wat one would call transformation or sloughing or the avril-lavigne-before-n-after?!?
F*ck it.
Stocked up on some wardrobe, shoes, other misc girly stuff, including one really awesome healthy-phlegm tinted varnish..darn it..wun be doin anymore house chores from now on. Gonna get some really wicked sticker to practise on it too..eating would be a hassle, but the concept of artwork on ur fingertips..*sigh..wish I could paint a Monet on it.
My fetish for nail varnish and earrings are goin to kill me ever so softly..*drooling..oh is it a crime to want..? ~ I'd need to get earring stand for all my collections.
Saw a really nice watch the other day, still thinking of getting some really nice ones with a choice of accessories, easier to mix-n-match. Not really a watch person, needs it to keep track of my schedules though and to remind me that time is running out..haha..live life on the brink. ;-)
B got fetish for eye shadows, basically she's got a whole rainbow collection but she aint satisfied..hmm..I think she lacked coffee smoky eye color, gonna hav to remind her..My sis loves to hog on eye shahows, and I think I lost ownership of mine once she starts her collections.
B went and got some really wicked lipstick (clarin's rich red tint) and maybelline's unstoppable eyelash curler. darn..cant wait to try it out, full blown with no restrain, can stop traffic man..haha..wore the lipstick to work though, only hints of it anyway. itchy hands..makes me feel all gooey on the inside..feels like I wore a victoria secret underneath and there's nobody who knows but me..wickedly delicious thoughts. All ladies shuld invest on some really nasty undies, makes one feel akin to havin a tattoo on some hidden spots; women's secrets. >;-)
Gonna get really toned these few months so I can fit into that blue bikini I got previously. Wanna get more boxer shorts instead of hikinis (anti-butt-sag + comfort). Hopefully by the end of this year will clear out the old clothes, feeling sexily amazing and dun need to further validate meself.
Cheers.
PS : I'm goin back to the land of the hornbills for annual trip w the gals, gonna get my crown curls renewed, whoowee! Now, I am a self proclaim DIVA! Whoohoo!! Yeah!
Labels: Thoughts
posted by M.E. # 10:28 AM 0 Comments
Scaredy-Cat
Finally decided on my last move.
To Cheras.
Reasons?
1. Save rent.
2. More savings.
3. More living space and under cover parking lot for rusting car.
4. Near to sis working plc. But need to drive.
5. No need to separate dog's custody.
Main reason would be : free food.
I'm amazing in every ways except I cant cook.
I gave up cooking, I am a sucker for anybody who can cook and I really dun wanna bother much. Cleaning up is no problem for me..it's preparing that's the hassle.
Besides, living alone sucks. Living alone is scary. U get to be peeped at, groped at..even when u are really careful.
Wish my mum's here..
To Cheras.
Reasons?
1. Save rent.
2. More savings.
3. More living space and under cover parking lot for rusting car.
4. Near to sis working plc. But need to drive.
5. No need to separate dog's custody.
Main reason would be : free food.
I'm amazing in every ways except I cant cook.
I gave up cooking, I am a sucker for anybody who can cook and I really dun wanna bother much. Cleaning up is no problem for me..it's preparing that's the hassle.
Besides, living alone sucks. Living alone is scary. U get to be peeped at, groped at..even when u are really careful.
Wish my mum's here..
Labels: Decision
posted by M.E. # 6:13 PM 0 Comments
Bad Premonition
Last few days had a weird dream.
I was joining a group of mafia, as undercover..guy undercover. The scene was in a shopping mall, tin-food department.
I had the whole works; 5-oclock-shadows, thin-drug-infested-face, ruffled hair, filth-rich-dirt-ugly blood-colored suit with dark blue under shirt..and I looked like I smoked quite a lot too.
U know when u r in a dream, u feel like u r in the character for ages, so absorded in the character that u just behaved in character instead of thinking beforehand?
Well, I was like tat..till the mafia boss came in and mentioned that they're looking for a mole inside the brotherhood. I felt something was very wrong then..I was wearing a high heel. And the mafia boss noticed. (Surely I was in a dream, cos in reality, I'd never do such mistakes. In my dreams, my imaginations always got better of me.)
SH*T
Surely I'd become the first suspect by default. Sweating my a*se off, I tried to come up with the most plausible of excuses..and I did, till I discovered my sis was in the shopping mall with us as well.
She'd blow the cover, that's the first thought that came into my mind. Trying to keep my cool, I explained my predicament to the boss. When I get to the climax of my so-call plausible explaination, she started mouthing some eerie sound effect (u know those old cantonese dramas has that tragic song when somebody dear died?).
*DOUBLE-WHAMMIE
So, being in my character, I shouted the filthiest curse at her (u dun wanna know). Why I did that I had no idea..it just seemed befitting of the moment and personality. Besides, she wun remember it when I woke up.
I really dun wanna experience gun shots in my dreams.
Then I woke up..God still watches over me. Haha..
So, bad premonition, but no gun shots.
I'm a happy post-gal-pre-guy-mafia-undercover-hot-pants-on-fire.
I was joining a group of mafia, as undercover..guy undercover. The scene was in a shopping mall, tin-food department.
I had the whole works; 5-oclock-shadows, thin-drug-infested-face, ruffled hair, filth-rich-dirt-ugly blood-colored suit with dark blue under shirt..and I looked like I smoked quite a lot too.
U know when u r in a dream, u feel like u r in the character for ages, so absorded in the character that u just behaved in character instead of thinking beforehand?
Well, I was like tat..till the mafia boss came in and mentioned that they're looking for a mole inside the brotherhood. I felt something was very wrong then..I was wearing a high heel. And the mafia boss noticed. (Surely I was in a dream, cos in reality, I'd never do such mistakes. In my dreams, my imaginations always got better of me.)
SH*T
Surely I'd become the first suspect by default. Sweating my a*se off, I tried to come up with the most plausible of excuses..and I did, till I discovered my sis was in the shopping mall with us as well.
She'd blow the cover, that's the first thought that came into my mind. Trying to keep my cool, I explained my predicament to the boss. When I get to the climax of my so-call plausible explaination, she started mouthing some eerie sound effect (u know those old cantonese dramas has that tragic song when somebody dear died?).
*DOUBLE-WHAMMIE
So, being in my character, I shouted the filthiest curse at her (u dun wanna know). Why I did that I had no idea..it just seemed befitting of the moment and personality. Besides, she wun remember it when I woke up.
I really dun wanna experience gun shots in my dreams.
Then I woke up..God still watches over me. Haha..
So, bad premonition, but no gun shots.
I'm a happy post-gal-pre-guy-mafia-undercover-hot-pants-on-fire.
Labels: Thoughts
posted by M.E. # 6:12 PM 0 Comments
Blog Anniversary
Happy 1st Year Anniversary to my blog! Woohoo!
Wow, cant believe it. I've been keeping at this for a year now, and still remain single cum bootilicious, more so if I may add. ;-)
But boy, do I feel older.
When I first started writing this blog, the main aim is to entertain my friend frm penang while I can continue doing my work in peace.
I dun think she's reading this blog nowadays, barely can see her online. Wonder how she's been.
So I guess in the long run, this blog has become a bit of a journal. Something for me to write smtg off me chest. But I still keep a lot of stuff inside. Guess one cant change one's stripe much no matter how hard they try.
As I passed the rental to the current house owner yesternite, he asked me if the extra room in my house was rented out yet. Truthfully saying, I dun know. My sis takes care of such stuff.
So I asked her bf (he was with me at the time we paid the rental) if we r planning to keep the room or smtg.
He mentioned that we r going to move out of the house after his parents come to live in kl.
So this morn I asked me sis if it's true. That we r moving out of the house.
She said mostly will be living at her bf's house when his parents come over.
Hmm..
So my thing is, does that include me or not.
Most of the time, me n my sis are not that enthusiastic in speaking to one another.
I always blame her for being bias when she's living w the bf, she's always defensive and rarely talk to me then.
But boy, if I'd known I'd be the only person forking out cash to buy my own roof, I'd hav diligently working my arse off saving as soon as I stepped into working life laa..now all I can do is hav a mental knockout at some invisible wall at my naivety. *ARGH! *sigh..we plan, but God execute. And I can feel the pain all over at my seat rite now..*mock-self-stabbing.
I guess it's just a phase in life, when ur family members started to move out of the house to live w somebody else.
I always thought that might not happen to my sisters, the moving in w bf before marriage thing, but apparently I was wrong.
People can change, n I can see frm my sis that she's changed a lot when she's w her current bf.
At first, I never thought it might work out, cos he's too young and she's too fierce.
But 2 yrs passed, we r coming to their 3rd yr. And the parents are moving to kl. So I guess, she's gonna b married into the family la.
I think it's about time for me to relinquish my position as the third wheel.
It's time for me to look for a flat or smtg, smwhere where I can hav my privacy and all. Perhaps I can take up tuitoring again, just to fill up my time. Or take up that drawing lessons which I hav been thinking a lot about, but never got the chance to do so cos it takes up too much cash and time, which both I need for a roof where I intend to get in a few yrs time. I can always ask my parents to help wthe deposit first, but I guess, I wanna try to see if I can make it on my own. Stubborn? u bet.
Or maybe along the time, I'd change and start to move in w somebody, who is not a gal, if u catch my drift. Yea rite..mayb not for now.
Would I change like my sis?
Hmm..very disturbing thoughts. It's a compromise for me, cos I'm still not ready for a relationship. To add somebody into ur circle of trust (smtg I pick frm Meet the Parents) and anticipating when he's gonna betray u or the other way around..hoho..optimistic ol me again..nope. Too much at risk..mostly it's cos I'm not really innocent when it comes to the matter of heart, and mine's suffer enuf kicks around that the bruises hav yet to heal from previous ones..(read the multiple adjective used). Or mayb I was just careless to pass it to somebody who thinks it's farney to play opps-I-almost-drop-it game. My character antenae when it comes to this sort of stuff is soooo off the target. *sigh..
The odd part was, got one time I thought I was ready. Perhaps it's fate, or a compensation from all the times where I rejected all the previous advances, he wasnt ready. I was so ready to change, perhaps that's where I did wrong. I shuldnt compromise myself for another person, we shuld all attain our identity and learn to live in harmony w one another. Or, he can change to suit me..haha..age of equality, never fail to crack me up. :D
Relationship, what is a relationship.
For me it is a place where two ppl learn to live in peace with each other's differences. Learning to accept each other for wat's nots and all the nasty stuff that goes along with it..optimistic ol me again..hoho..
In my case, there's a glitch where I would still wanna attain both of our individuality. So in case it didnt work out, the breaking up part wun be too painful to live with.
Mayb I'm naive, cos when u like somebody, u tend to change to suit them. To make things easier. I know, I know..*sigh..Or mayb I'm pessimistic enuf to think that all my relationships will not live past the first base..haha..
What I cant stand really is the sticky part..I hate sticky emo stuff. Especially when I'm bored to death with routine and will kill him off w routine as well. Cos we cant be fun 24 hrs straight, there are 80% in a day where we r more defensive than Martha Stewart and pessimistic that all the living things around us can feel the vibe and avoid the perimeter where we stand, 5-10 feet apart. Plants feel the vibe faster than anything, cos they dun hav feet to run and they can die due to maltreatment.
Or mayb I just dun wanna be responsible to make other ppl happy all the time. Or unhappy God forbid.
I guess that's it, I know I can be quite wonderful as an engaging partner, hell, everybody can. It's just a matter of who we r with.
All my friends are getting hitched at the moment, mayb it's the singlehood of knowing most of ur friends are attached that makes one feel..how to put it..separated.
But I've been in worse condition, yet I've never thought of being in a relationship (the compromise thing)..I'm always better off alone.
Mayb looking at my sis, it just changes the way I look at things.
Cos after she moves out, who's goin to cook for me??!?
PS : Sonny boy is fine. Slimmer with his hair chopped off, but fine.
Wow, cant believe it. I've been keeping at this for a year now, and still remain single cum bootilicious, more so if I may add. ;-)
But boy, do I feel older.
When I first started writing this blog, the main aim is to entertain my friend frm penang while I can continue doing my work in peace.
I dun think she's reading this blog nowadays, barely can see her online. Wonder how she's been.
So I guess in the long run, this blog has become a bit of a journal. Something for me to write smtg off me chest. But I still keep a lot of stuff inside. Guess one cant change one's stripe much no matter how hard they try.
As I passed the rental to the current house owner yesternite, he asked me if the extra room in my house was rented out yet. Truthfully saying, I dun know. My sis takes care of such stuff.
So I asked her bf (he was with me at the time we paid the rental) if we r planning to keep the room or smtg.
He mentioned that we r going to move out of the house after his parents come to live in kl.
So this morn I asked me sis if it's true. That we r moving out of the house.
She said mostly will be living at her bf's house when his parents come over.
Hmm..
So my thing is, does that include me or not.
Most of the time, me n my sis are not that enthusiastic in speaking to one another.
I always blame her for being bias when she's living w the bf, she's always defensive and rarely talk to me then.
But boy, if I'd known I'd be the only person forking out cash to buy my own roof, I'd hav diligently working my arse off saving as soon as I stepped into working life laa..now all I can do is hav a mental knockout at some invisible wall at my naivety. *ARGH! *sigh..we plan, but God execute. And I can feel the pain all over at my seat rite now..*mock-self-stabbing.
I guess it's just a phase in life, when ur family members started to move out of the house to live w somebody else.
I always thought that might not happen to my sisters, the moving in w bf before marriage thing, but apparently I was wrong.
People can change, n I can see frm my sis that she's changed a lot when she's w her current bf.
At first, I never thought it might work out, cos he's too young and she's too fierce.
But 2 yrs passed, we r coming to their 3rd yr. And the parents are moving to kl. So I guess, she's gonna b married into the family la.
I think it's about time for me to relinquish my position as the third wheel.
It's time for me to look for a flat or smtg, smwhere where I can hav my privacy and all. Perhaps I can take up tuitoring again, just to fill up my time. Or take up that drawing lessons which I hav been thinking a lot about, but never got the chance to do so cos it takes up too much cash and time, which both I need for a roof where I intend to get in a few yrs time. I can always ask my parents to help wthe deposit first, but I guess, I wanna try to see if I can make it on my own. Stubborn? u bet.
Or maybe along the time, I'd change and start to move in w somebody, who is not a gal, if u catch my drift. Yea rite..mayb not for now.
Would I change like my sis?
Hmm..very disturbing thoughts. It's a compromise for me, cos I'm still not ready for a relationship. To add somebody into ur circle of trust (smtg I pick frm Meet the Parents) and anticipating when he's gonna betray u or the other way around..hoho..optimistic ol me again..nope. Too much at risk..mostly it's cos I'm not really innocent when it comes to the matter of heart, and mine's suffer enuf kicks around that the bruises hav yet to heal from previous ones..(read the multiple adjective used). Or mayb I was just careless to pass it to somebody who thinks it's farney to play opps-I-almost-drop-it game. My character antenae when it comes to this sort of stuff is soooo off the target. *sigh..
The odd part was, got one time I thought I was ready. Perhaps it's fate, or a compensation from all the times where I rejected all the previous advances, he wasnt ready. I was so ready to change, perhaps that's where I did wrong. I shuldnt compromise myself for another person, we shuld all attain our identity and learn to live in harmony w one another. Or, he can change to suit me..haha..age of equality, never fail to crack me up. :D
Relationship, what is a relationship.
For me it is a place where two ppl learn to live in peace with each other's differences. Learning to accept each other for wat's nots and all the nasty stuff that goes along with it..optimistic ol me again..hoho..
In my case, there's a glitch where I would still wanna attain both of our individuality. So in case it didnt work out, the breaking up part wun be too painful to live with.
Mayb I'm naive, cos when u like somebody, u tend to change to suit them. To make things easier. I know, I know..*sigh..Or mayb I'm pessimistic enuf to think that all my relationships will not live past the first base..haha..
What I cant stand really is the sticky part..I hate sticky emo stuff. Especially when I'm bored to death with routine and will kill him off w routine as well. Cos we cant be fun 24 hrs straight, there are 80% in a day where we r more defensive than Martha Stewart and pessimistic that all the living things around us can feel the vibe and avoid the perimeter where we stand, 5-10 feet apart. Plants feel the vibe faster than anything, cos they dun hav feet to run and they can die due to maltreatment.
Or mayb I just dun wanna be responsible to make other ppl happy all the time. Or unhappy God forbid.
I guess that's it, I know I can be quite wonderful as an engaging partner, hell, everybody can. It's just a matter of who we r with.
All my friends are getting hitched at the moment, mayb it's the singlehood of knowing most of ur friends are attached that makes one feel..how to put it..separated.
But I've been in worse condition, yet I've never thought of being in a relationship (the compromise thing)..I'm always better off alone.
Mayb looking at my sis, it just changes the way I look at things.
Cos after she moves out, who's goin to cook for me??!?
PS : Sonny boy is fine. Slimmer with his hair chopped off, but fine.
Labels: Anniversary
posted by M.E. # 9:51 AM 0 Comments
Coming Home
My pet Sonny's coming home tonite.
Sis will get a cage for him to restrict too much movements, cos he's a hyperactive veteran dog which doesnt know it's own size and his hernia breakout might occur again.
Let's pray that he'd suffer no more internal hemorrhage or tear while he's in my care.
Sis n bf gonna go off to Redang this coming Wesak holiday.
I'll be left alone w Sonny.
I'll just hav to make sure the kiddo behaves while they r not around and while he's in my care, he'd be just fine and suffers nothing more than mild depression. Amen.
Sis will get a cage for him to restrict too much movements, cos he's a hyperactive veteran dog which doesnt know it's own size and his hernia breakout might occur again.
Let's pray that he'd suffer no more internal hemorrhage or tear while he's in my care.
Sis n bf gonna go off to Redang this coming Wesak holiday.
I'll be left alone w Sonny.
I'll just hav to make sure the kiddo behaves while they r not around and while he's in my care, he'd be just fine and suffers nothing more than mild depression. Amen.
Labels: Thoughts
posted by M.E. # 10:42 AM 0 Comments
Lunch Story
As I was walking towards the usual lunch destination, a friend saw me walking by and called me hp and told me that I had a nice backside.
If that had come from the person whom I had a soft spot for, I'd melt right on the street down into the drain.
But since it came from a friend whom I will make no more mention except tat he leaves a creepy feeling in me when we chatted (notice past tense) and whom I'd avoid for luncheon anytime, I'll take rain check for the compliments.
Anyway, only 4 gals walked to the luncheon spot today, had a nice lunch.
My colls saw the gal who used to wear really sexy dress previously (for lunch, mind u, whom looked very la la for me) walking to a table w a coll carrying a measuring tape.
Measuring tape, wearing smtg sexy? First thought is construction site marketing exec, first pre-thought was daylight hooker. But I could be wrong. Vivid imagination u see.
Anyway, they kept on talking bout how flat she was but was wearing some really low on the front, so flat tat one can put a hand in and cry, "It's a boy!". Haha..creepy thought.
I cant watch though I wanted to, cos initially I tried, but there's a guy sitting at the table kept on looking at me whenever I glanced over, so twuld be rude. Haha..me polite. Definitely a red letter day.
Anyway, now is nearing 4.50pm, raining heavily behind the window.
I now know how it feels like to be a speechless programmer.
Today I made several mistakes trying to explain myself, but made meself more confused thru speech.
Some things are better explained with programming codes.
If that had come from the person whom I had a soft spot for, I'd melt right on the street down into the drain.
But since it came from a friend whom I will make no more mention except tat he leaves a creepy feeling in me when we chatted (notice past tense) and whom I'd avoid for luncheon anytime, I'll take rain check for the compliments.
Anyway, only 4 gals walked to the luncheon spot today, had a nice lunch.
My colls saw the gal who used to wear really sexy dress previously (for lunch, mind u, whom looked very la la for me) walking to a table w a coll carrying a measuring tape.
Measuring tape, wearing smtg sexy? First thought is construction site marketing exec, first pre-thought was daylight hooker. But I could be wrong. Vivid imagination u see.
Anyway, they kept on talking bout how flat she was but was wearing some really low on the front, so flat tat one can put a hand in and cry, "It's a boy!". Haha..creepy thought.
I cant watch though I wanted to, cos initially I tried, but there's a guy sitting at the table kept on looking at me whenever I glanced over, so twuld be rude. Haha..me polite. Definitely a red letter day.
Anyway, now is nearing 4.50pm, raining heavily behind the window.
I now know how it feels like to be a speechless programmer.
Today I made several mistakes trying to explain myself, but made meself more confused thru speech.
Some things are better explained with programming codes.
Labels: Thoughts
posted by M.E. # 10:13 AM 0 Comments
Compromising Oneself
I'd like to talk bout compromise today.
I just hav a stand for that; I will not compromise myself for anybody, ever.
Not my beliefs. Not my standards. Not my way of doing things nor decisions.
But I will tolerate others, and live by an act of hypocrisy of self, till one day I will b free.
Am I compromising myself? I'd like to think of it as living life by my rules, and if tat rules regard to changing meself to suit another, so be it.
But I wouldnt call that a compromise, I call it tolerance. Cos at the end of the day, I'm still me, nothing's changed.
Am I naive? Mayb I am. But hey, life's cruel enuf without living life a lil bit like a kid.
I guess not compromising myself is a childish behaviour, huh? Or am I more hipocrite than not.
I guess so. Still, I wouldnt change a thing.
Definition of Compromise :
1. A settlement of differences in which each side makes concessions.
2. The result of such a settlement.
3. To settle by concessions
4. Something that combines qualities or elements of different things:
5. A concession to something detrimental or pejorative
6. To expose or make liable to danger, suspicion, or disrepute
Definition of Concession : the act of conceding or yielding posted by M.E. # 10:13 AM 0 Comments
I just hav a stand for that; I will not compromise myself for anybody, ever.
Not my beliefs. Not my standards. Not my way of doing things nor decisions.
But I will tolerate others, and live by an act of hypocrisy of self, till one day I will b free.
Am I compromising myself? I'd like to think of it as living life by my rules, and if tat rules regard to changing meself to suit another, so be it.
But I wouldnt call that a compromise, I call it tolerance. Cos at the end of the day, I'm still me, nothing's changed.
Am I naive? Mayb I am. But hey, life's cruel enuf without living life a lil bit like a kid.
I guess not compromising myself is a childish behaviour, huh? Or am I more hipocrite than not.
I guess so. Still, I wouldnt change a thing.
Definition of Compromise :
1. A settlement of differences in which each side makes concessions.
2. The result of such a settlement.
3. To settle by concessions
4. Something that combines qualities or elements of different things:
5. A concession to something detrimental or pejorative
6. To expose or make liable to danger, suspicion, or disrepute
Definition of Concession : the act of conceding or yielding posted by M.E. # 10:13 AM 0 Comments
Solutions for Memory Squatters
For those who cant stop thinking bout some things, issues or somebody whom they'd like to get over with, below are my answers :
1. Write in a journal. Especially bout every single details. Get a lock for journal.
2. Read it from time to time, and see how many times u thought bout it.
3. Burn/Shred when u reach a level where u think u've compromised urself too much.
I prefer to imagine it in my mind, where I can shred it to smitthereens, burn it to crisp and blew it away..
Works like a charm everytime.
1. Write in a journal. Especially bout every single details. Get a lock for journal.
2. Read it from time to time, and see how many times u thought bout it.
3. Burn/Shred when u reach a level where u think u've compromised urself too much.
I prefer to imagine it in my mind, where I can shred it to smitthereens, burn it to crisp and blew it away..
Works like a charm everytime.
Labels: Advice
posted by M.E. # 10:12 AM 0 Comments
P.I.G.
Sorry, but I do feel like scolding something off me chest.
PIG PIG PIG!!!! PUG!!!!!!!!!~
Do I feel any better? -.-'
-.-"
Not really. I'd like to do tat again.
PIG PIG M.C.PIG PIG PIG PIG PIG PUG ARGH!!!
Now I feel so much better.
PIG PIG PIG!!!! PUG!!!!!!!!!~
Do I feel any better? -.-'
-.-"
Not really. I'd like to do tat again.
PIG PIG M.C.PIG PIG PIG PIG PIG PUG ARGH!!!
Now I feel so much better.
Labels: Angst
posted by M.E. # 10:11 AM 0 Comments
Operation
Thursday, yesterday to be exact, my dog had his hernia operation, post symptom from fighting other dogs triple his size. Hopefully his last. But doc mentioned he mustnt do any ravenous activity, else he will hav to be whipped into the survery room pronto.
I'll blame it on his ignorance, or perhaps ego. But it has a huge price to pay.
Hope he's ok. Pray for him.
I'll blame it on his ignorance, or perhaps ego. But it has a huge price to pay.
Hope he's ok. Pray for him.
Labels: Knick-Knacks
posted by M.E. # 10:11 AM 0 Comments
Daily Dosage
Some ppl take medicine, some take mint. I scour for blogs.
Some nice ones are here. Crap out : http://newyorkhack.blogspot.com
Some nice ones are here. Crap out : http://newyorkhack.blogspot.com
Labels: Knick-Knacks
posted by M.E. # 10:10 AM 0 Comments
My Doppelgangers
Everybody has two sides or more of themselves nestled within them, Beyonce has Sasha, I hav my doppelganger.
My doppelganger is made of two to three different personalities which are very distinctly marked, but living in harmony with one another thru conscious effort and daily battling.
Doppelganger no 1 is a filial daughter who thinks she can do anything, and she has to do it cos she's the eldest and that there's no other ppl who can help her but herself cos there's no sons in the family and she can count on nobody but herself. So most of the time, she's proud of who she is, trying to make the best out of her life and try to be the very best there is for herself, her parents and her sister. But she always fails when she tries to take everybody into considerations. She's learning to be selfish now.
Doppelganger no 2 is a reckless gal who lives her life on the edge, thinking bout how to bring an edge to her that makes her more prominent that her peer, thinking that since she's got nothing, therefore she can risk everything, anything. She lives her life on the impulse of everyday, thinking that each day is a new day, a new start, a new venture and that every solutions or decisions can denote a different outcome cos life is after all a gamble, why not risk it for a learning of self and improvement. Nothing is too much for her, cos if she lost everything, then she has nothing, so she can start all over again. She's learning to take calculated risk.
Doppelganger no 3 is a fearful gal who thinks too much about her next steps, and anticipating the ground where she walks on will fall anytime. She lives her life on egg shells, knowing no matter how well the day begin, it will only takes time before all tumble beneath a heap. She's learning to be brave.
Doppelganger no 4 is a curious lil gal who never grows up. She's the one I've been trying to preserve all these while. When I thought I've lost her long time ago, I found her again in times of needs. She's the reason why I can be hopeful and naive at the same time, and never lost the curiosity in life. I want her by my side till the end of my life. She's always there, just never revealed. And she soothes me everytime when I feel exhausted with the world.
I juggle between my doppelgangers everyday, fighting my inner demons every day as I try to live my life the way I want it to be lived.
Which is why I think I live in a very infernal phase of life, every decision tugs at me and each of my personalities trying to get better of me. It's not ez being me. *sigh..I wish I can use the excuse, "I was extinguishing my inner demons" whenever my friends ask me why I was late for yamcha session.
I hav a very clear cut definitions of how I want my life led, I just dun wanna compromise my beliefs for smtg tat I can gain in the long run. I might win the battles with the inner demons within me, but to lose the war..tat's the essence I'm trying to save.
The essence must be contained. Else all is lost.
My doppelganger is made of two to three different personalities which are very distinctly marked, but living in harmony with one another thru conscious effort and daily battling.
Doppelganger no 1 is a filial daughter who thinks she can do anything, and she has to do it cos she's the eldest and that there's no other ppl who can help her but herself cos there's no sons in the family and she can count on nobody but herself. So most of the time, she's proud of who she is, trying to make the best out of her life and try to be the very best there is for herself, her parents and her sister. But she always fails when she tries to take everybody into considerations. She's learning to be selfish now.
Doppelganger no 2 is a reckless gal who lives her life on the edge, thinking bout how to bring an edge to her that makes her more prominent that her peer, thinking that since she's got nothing, therefore she can risk everything, anything. She lives her life on the impulse of everyday, thinking that each day is a new day, a new start, a new venture and that every solutions or decisions can denote a different outcome cos life is after all a gamble, why not risk it for a learning of self and improvement. Nothing is too much for her, cos if she lost everything, then she has nothing, so she can start all over again. She's learning to take calculated risk.
Doppelganger no 3 is a fearful gal who thinks too much about her next steps, and anticipating the ground where she walks on will fall anytime. She lives her life on egg shells, knowing no matter how well the day begin, it will only takes time before all tumble beneath a heap. She's learning to be brave.
Doppelganger no 4 is a curious lil gal who never grows up. She's the one I've been trying to preserve all these while. When I thought I've lost her long time ago, I found her again in times of needs. She's the reason why I can be hopeful and naive at the same time, and never lost the curiosity in life. I want her by my side till the end of my life. She's always there, just never revealed. And she soothes me everytime when I feel exhausted with the world.
I juggle between my doppelgangers everyday, fighting my inner demons every day as I try to live my life the way I want it to be lived.
Which is why I think I live in a very infernal phase of life, every decision tugs at me and each of my personalities trying to get better of me. It's not ez being me. *sigh..I wish I can use the excuse, "I was extinguishing my inner demons" whenever my friends ask me why I was late for yamcha session.
I hav a very clear cut definitions of how I want my life led, I just dun wanna compromise my beliefs for smtg tat I can gain in the long run. I might win the battles with the inner demons within me, but to lose the war..tat's the essence I'm trying to save.
The essence must be contained. Else all is lost.
Labels: Dilemmas
posted by M.E. # 10:10 AM 0 Comments
Learning thru falling
Writing helps to bring out the confirmation in me.
It makes me read the stuff I wrote over and over again, thinking back all the times the reason I wrote my thoughts.
I guess we live with turmoil inside us every breath of our lives, sometimes we get to meet the harmony within us, most of the time I battled with my demons.
And writing them all out, helps me to deal with it. All my past regrets, achievements, thinkings and decisions, they shape my path.
And I hope one day when I do hav a family of my own, I'd hav the courage to tell my kids to seek their own lives, without me hiding in the corners to catch them when they fall.
It makes me read the stuff I wrote over and over again, thinking back all the times the reason I wrote my thoughts.
I guess we live with turmoil inside us every breath of our lives, sometimes we get to meet the harmony within us, most of the time I battled with my demons.
And writing them all out, helps me to deal with it. All my past regrets, achievements, thinkings and decisions, they shape my path.
And I hope one day when I do hav a family of my own, I'd hav the courage to tell my kids to seek their own lives, without me hiding in the corners to catch them when they fall.
Labels: Thoughts
posted by M.E. # 5:07 PM 0 Comments
Loving Edwin Sumun
I first saw him during his interview with Jason Lo for the Latte at 8 show.
He was magnificient then. Course, he was hitting on the drummer boy as well, but that's wat makes him so entertaining.
http://thedivaseries.blogspot.com
He was magnificient then. Course, he was hitting on the drummer boy as well, but that's wat makes him so entertaining.
http://thedivaseries.blogspot.com
Labels: Opinions
posted by M.E. # 5:06 PM 0 Comments
Dream Interpretations
Once a time ago, reading dreams and horoscope or zodiacs come as an obsession to me becos I want to understand myself and others more, why ppl do the things they do and to forgive them becos it's their in their nature, they cant stop it. So being a more understanding and universal inclined person that I am, I forgave and forgave.
Today, I kinda learn to stop reading all the crap becos sometimes, we are who we are without categorizing and manifestations. I wish I can find a friend like me who accepts me for who I am and forgave me for all my sad ass behaviour, but I cant cos human arent suppose to be perfect.
And I kinda learn to accept that in me. Perhaps now, I can learn to forgive myself for all the compromise I impose on myself. And learn to express myself freely and without much guilt as to how I feel when I wanna feel anger and frustrations for things that force themselves on me.
Maybe I'll learn how to be humane to myself.
Today, I kinda learn to stop reading all the crap becos sometimes, we are who we are without categorizing and manifestations. I wish I can find a friend like me who accepts me for who I am and forgave me for all my sad ass behaviour, but I cant cos human arent suppose to be perfect.
And I kinda learn to accept that in me. Perhaps now, I can learn to forgive myself for all the compromise I impose on myself. And learn to express myself freely and without much guilt as to how I feel when I wanna feel anger and frustrations for things that force themselves on me.
Maybe I'll learn how to be humane to myself.
Labels: Thoughts
posted by M.E. # 5:06 PM 0 Comments
Memory Bank
Met some old mates from uni. Michelle was my roomate's town friend, where as her friend was a senior from a different faculty.
Got some forever living facial products from them and caught up with their lives. Admired the gal cos she manages to do business in uni life and paid her way to financial freedom, yet didnt impose herself on others just cos she did mlm and insurance.
My skin came with some dry spots and since I've used the product before and found it complements my skin and I lurve the fact that it's made from aloe vera neutralized components, I figured why not try out the whole product. I've got sensitive skin (read : skin tat needs to breathe) and extra sensitive lips (read : lips that wun tolerate any artificial coloring with high contents of chemical), thus need to get lip gloss from nutrimethics.
I think I kinda amazed Michelle when I stated out some stuff she told me when she was promoting the facial products during uni life, couldnt afford the whole package then, but I was listening.
Now after 3 yrs, I still remembered the stuff she told me. It's amazing what u can remember, and the stuff u can forget if u put ur mind to it.
Got some forever living facial products from them and caught up with their lives. Admired the gal cos she manages to do business in uni life and paid her way to financial freedom, yet didnt impose herself on others just cos she did mlm and insurance.
My skin came with some dry spots and since I've used the product before and found it complements my skin and I lurve the fact that it's made from aloe vera neutralized components, I figured why not try out the whole product. I've got sensitive skin (read : skin tat needs to breathe) and extra sensitive lips (read : lips that wun tolerate any artificial coloring with high contents of chemical), thus need to get lip gloss from nutrimethics.
I think I kinda amazed Michelle when I stated out some stuff she told me when she was promoting the facial products during uni life, couldnt afford the whole package then, but I was listening.
Now after 3 yrs, I still remembered the stuff she told me. It's amazing what u can remember, and the stuff u can forget if u put ur mind to it.
Labels: Thoughts
posted by M.E. # 5:02 PM 0 Comments
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