thou shalt not conform when thou could blaze thy own path..
Dragon & Phoenix
沈默年代 或許不該 太遙遠的相愛"
Translation :
"I send you off to a thousand miles away. (My mental image of you) is silent, black and white;
Perhaps a love so far apart shouldn’t exist in this silent era."
Lately I'm listening to Jay's Faraway / Thousand Miles Away in conjunction with the Mid-Autumn Festival.
I can only read 80% of a chinese words in a sentence, so basically that's useless when the whole meaning got lost in translation. But for some special occassions and festivals, I'd listen to it for the ambience.
Here's a nice site any banana can refer to if they love Jay's songs and wanna know the meanings and stuff.
Thank God for Google and the internet. At least now I wouldnt get much confusion over the lyrics and able to immerse myself in the lyrics. I've always hated chinese songs cos nobody would explain to me the meanings, and songs without meanings are like a pretty photo without stories. It's like u remember a face, but u cant remember where u've seen them or what's their name. That sort of thing.
Anyway, whenever I feel lethargic, music can cure that. Music are great to overcome lethargy, play ur favorite records on and let it become ur spirit crutch for the day.
Don't feel like talking? Don't feel like wanna achieve something in ur live? Plug it in and walla. Lethargy gone.
It works for me anyway.
Anyway, listening to his song reminded some of my favorite chinese songs, yes, I got favorites though I dun listen much.
Mostly they are those sentimental artistes; Jeff Chang, Panda Xiong Tian Ping, Wang Lee Hom and lately, Xin Yue Tuan and Powerstation.
Another thing I hate bout the chinese songs, is that they are mostly made of short phrases or misty poetry. A word that stands of two meanings or more, a phrase that spoke of too many secrets and whispers and a paragraph that shares a lifetime of stories behind it. It's really too deep for shallow ppl like me. And darn frustrating. I hate chinese songs cos I'm always questioning what's the meaning behind it? What's the message it's trying to portray? What's the emotions it's trying to express? Too much questions, too little answers. Plus it's too concentrated with feelings that I get overwhelmed by it..*dizzy-eyes..
Here's something worthwhile..
The subtle difference
Between holding a hand
And chaining a soul,"
Yes, I guess human do hav the tendency of holding on too tightly over another person without thinking what is it that that person wants..in another word, smothering the person to death.
That love doesn’t mean leaning
And company doesn’t mean security,"
How many ppl I've met who fear loneliness, who fear being single, or that nobody would take care of them when they get older. They've forgotten, even with havin kids, some might still end up in the older folks home, so where's the security? Which reminds me of a quote: "Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.". Thus, it's just a matter of self comfort that their fear overwhelmed their sense of security when they shuld've build the security first before offering it to somebody else. At least, that's wat I think la..
That kisses aren’t contracts
And presents aren’t promises,"
Hmm, this reminds me of a story from a friend who received lots of attention back in her heigh days. Guys would buy her luncheons, dinners, hoping that she'd give something back in return. Sometimes she did, sometimes she didnt. Yupe, her experience might build from the fact that she'd met so many guilty souls along her ride, but is the price she paid worthy for all the mistakes she did? Mayb it's not even mistakes, perhaps it's just lessons. I guess a past tense is only a lesson if one learns, else it's a mistake. Guess everybody's entitled to their own mistakes. No prejudice? No discrimination? Better shut one's mouth then if one doesnt want to be judged.
Your defeats with your
Head up and your eyes open,"
Only if one is humbled with the experience..most ppl are headstrong, stubborn or deaf-earred to ill remarks. Like me actually.
Rather than the grief of a child."
The grace of a woman..hmm..how does one define that? Grace of a woman..
One can perceive it as;
- modesty; if a woman is modest, if she is chaste, she becomes worshipful; and prosperity becomes the servant, the handmaid of that family where women are adorned by the ornaments of chastity, modesty and gracefulness.
- substance; they maintained dignity and humility even in the roles in which they were thrust and accepted
For me, I perceive it as the subtle strength of women when they encounter a crisis or how they face happiness with much humbleness. Mothers display such grace, usually.
The Grace of a Woman
To build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans.
And futures have a way
Of falling down in midflight."
Like ppl learn not the put all their eggs in one basket, or their cash in one pocket, or their handphones in their pockets. Wait, the last one is still ongoin, dun guys realise it's gonna mutate the sperms? *tsk tsk..
That even sunshine burns if you get too much."
This phrase just hit me. I've never been sun burnt before, mayb I'm too careful. It's like, if one've never been burnt, how can one relate with another? How can one understand or relate to the pain? And how can one explains it to another how the burn feels like..shuddup
And decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers."
Girls nowadays are getting the hint. They are buying their own flowers, condos, cars, accessories (a quote comes to mind: "I think men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They have experience pain and bought jewelry" - Anon). They are climbing the ladders, fix the pipe, pay the bills, take out the garbage. They hav support groups, own shows and blogs, earning the dough and taking self defense classes. U see where I'm going with this? I fear 10 years down the line, girls are gonna be more butch than guys, they are gonna start wanting to do an Angelina-Jolie; raising kids by themselves, so at the end of the day, where's the role of the guys come in? Sperm banks are growing faster than ovum banks, and trust me, those little worms will hav shorter life span than their predecessors. The world in A.I. is nearer than we think. If tat happens, I cant wait to see suicide booths for robots being set up along the streets, tat ought to be fun. An Jude-Law lookalike on the streets..*sigh..
Girls are no longer waiting for prince charming to arrive, they are out there learning horses riding and wielding weapons. They are no longer settling for less as girl power is in. It makes me sympathise the male population; chauvinists are dissappearing as fast as gold bullions, ego maniacs are shunned, SNAG's and metrosexuals are considered gals' new best friends and Las Vegas marriage booths are losing business. Or mayb not as elope-then-annullments might catch up by then. I'm so pessimist; "An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.".
If this happens, believe me, there will come an age where everybody's gonna just focus on the very basic foundations of marriage. It's a cycle, now we are so enamored with self-sufficiency, later we are gona be obsessed with co-dependence. Or mayb just become friends of benefits. The pattern's too erratic for now.
That you really can endure …
That you really are strong.
And you really do have worth.
And you learn …
With every goodbye …
You learn."
Yupe, true, reminds me of the song "Buses and Trains" by Bachelor Girl's; "I was run over by a car, I got hit by a train, and it feels so good I wanna do it again!"
Ok, the last phrase might not be such a good idea. Like wat this blogger suggested, it just portrays the mental health of the person in the worst light ever.
The poem is by After a While by Veronica A. Shoffstall. It was good enuf to take up half of this article.
Labels: Thoughts
posted by M.E. # 10:32 AM 1 Comments
Making Sense Out Of Nonsense
I jumped, he shook his head..
and took the phone from my lap,
placed it on his..
A smile was exchanged."
I hate being still, it's so mundane and set's my eyes a-frenzy before sending off my mind to sleep.
Thus I hav leg shaking syndrome; the only exercise my thighs getting till I got that pool privilege. Darn, cant wait to buy those bikini from the Curve's bazaar. Saw the red petal patterned, and the light blue, wonder if they got aquamarine or turquoise. Cost rm80 per set. Lately I've filled up the jeans, standing straight makes me look fat, standing sideways with attitude makes me look phat. I need to go on diet. *eyes-rolling..
Sis went back w mum to Kuching for some soul searching. She's mostly gonna stay there in the future as she's currently looking for master degree in maths and chemistry, hopefully she's able to get what she wants. She was really happy when she saw the new house though my mum moved in early this year, we dont go home that often, so left only Nat who havent seen it. B loves stability of a home, so she's the type who needs to stay close to home ground. I'm like a gypsy; nomadic,
Nat meanwhile is facing the storm in Singapore as she's going thru her nursing attachments, she'll be back Kuching next week. Hopefully she'll get some peace while she's back for the holiday.
Dd is battling SPM in a few months time, so far she's been pretty stable in all her subjects, 8-9 A's, failed the History though. She's gonna be just fine. Mum's aiming for her to study pharmacy, though she herself wanna do journalism. At this age, usually they are not sure of what they want out of life, they just kinda do what interest them at the moment without thinking of the distance. I just hope she'd be ok, as I fear she might end up being a nut for knowledge, like me, which is not necessary a good thing.
Bangkok under siege, darn, wanna go chatujak for some serious shopping spree. Postpone till further notice.
Had lunch w a friend last wednesday.
I discover this friend's a bit odd; weird is good, odd is not.
For one thing, when we chatted over lunch, he never makes eye contact, he's got those diverting eyes that never stops looking at other places but the conversationalist. Which irritates me as I find it hard to talk to somebody who seemed, how do I put it..fidgeting.
He's got those really piercing pair of eyes that I love to look at, too bad he's not the commiting type. Heck, he's the type gals usually hav as friends but not as bf as they'd never know when he's gonna cheat behind their backs. Yupe, another insecurity issue there. Darn, if he is the committing type, there's some tricks I sure wanna show him, hehe.. *kinky-thoughts..
So basically we just chatted bout happenings in our lives..wait, mostly I chatted bout happenings in my life. He'd shut up bout his. Yupe, mysterious eh? Charismatic ho? Secretive is more likely. I guess it's perhaps smtg to do with the city folks, they never really reveal much bout their lives as it's personal for them. I guess I will always kinda hav that country folk in me, naive a little, trusting a bit, but learning to hold it back..it's sad when one hav to give out only 50% outta their lives when they can go out all the way, for me, tat's the best part bout any relationships..honest simple conversation and companionships.
Mayb I'm just the type who loves talking bout something other than surface jokes, for me, to make a deep impression, one gotta show a little window into their soul. It's not really baring, cos we kinda grow with time, life and ppl we meet along the way, that the soul is like a chameleon of colors. Almost eurora-like. But heck, I'm being rose-tinted here.
Well, I guess knowing him for a few years now, it's got to a point where there's no growth, no deeper meaningful companionship behind it all. It's like looking at ceramic, u know? Sure, the shine once a while is fascinating to look at, but after a while, u cant see thru the veil behind it all, and slowly it becomes frustrating. *sigh..
There are times that he'd send off mixed signals, yes, I'm talking bout mix signals here. I've always hated mixed signals, similar to smoke signals, u cant really read what it's all about. So add on with that atop everything else, I'm really better off being alone. I cant change a person with issues, I can only change mine.
Anyway, been collecting glasses lately; bottles, jars, chipped glasses. Cos I wanna paint on it. I've always been fascinated with glasses and kitchen wares. When I was in my teen, I'd collect all those bottles and stack em up real high, then my mum would throw em out little by little without my knowledge as I wouldnt know wat to do with them just yet.
Like an artist with paper, that's wat glass is for me. Looking at a blank transparent glass, I can imagine all kinds of things I wanna do to it..it's so sensually arousing, all those potentials. And I mean that in an artistes point of view. I love art works; the details, the complexity of the work but the simplicity of it's meaning. Every work, gesture speaks of the artistes emotion at play, indescribable with words, only with hands and feelings as they lay it all out on their piece. Each piece has a story of it's own, a love/hate/pain tat intensifies as the person gets deeper and deeper into his/her own world.
Glass Hobby
Glass Sample
Which explains why I love DIY. Cos I just love the process of learning and innovating as I wasnt encumbered by standards, ways, methods nor rules. It's all mine, my preciousssss..
Last tuesday brought my mum and aunt shopping at Sogo, I brought a top which shows off a bit of cleavage, gorgeous.
And we spent the whole day just looking at the kitchen wares there.
I love to go Sogo to look at the imported cups and saucers, it's a weird hobby that I hav. I'd love to decorate my house with beautiful china.
I saw this wonderful glass plate with intricate flower pattern behind it on display. Wow..wish I can own that. It'd be a great table decorative item. And saw a set of white plates, bowls, cups and saucers which cost only rm38. I'll get it for my glass painting too.
Well, had so much fun, that we went home for a nice satisfied afternoon nap.
So, that's me on good days.
Labels: Thoughts
posted by M.E. # 10:05 AM 0 Comments
Sexy Really Doesn't Have a Dress Size
Yupe, sexy doesn't have a dress size.
It's the woman who makes the dress, not the other way around, else we'd all be just pegs on heels.
I'm not ur regular big *looking-at-me-chest or ur normal big *blowing-with-me-mouth-shut.
I'm big like..u know the song Bigger than Life by the Backstreet Boys..yea, it's tat big that I meant.
Dress size, lip size, butt size, boobies size. We are too obsessed bout the stuff that God gave us for free.
Men shuld be able to size up compliments to watever size a woman is just by mere appreaciation of how she carries herself.
Look at Monica Belucci, she's gorgeous yea, but she's also not ur regular size 2-4 models. She's got curves, womanly shapes. Dangerous curves. Curves arent made from cuts and nips, curves for sleek hands to drive over, like a smooth red hot ferrari on a straight road. That sort of smooth curves.
Anyway, curves. Womanly curves, the things we can’t take credit for - breasts, the curve from bust to hip, hips.
It's sad how Nicole, Lindsay, Misha and Paris turned it into a flat board of none-appreaciative work of art. Where we are supposingly marvelling at the very curves that made us woman, some shun them like a disease.
I can only appreaciate those curves from Hollywood or Bollywood, not those from the hongkies. Sure they got all the facial features, but when one stands beside a Marilyn lookalike, who does one choose? Pretty face or pretty face with killer curves. I would choose the latter, hands down, and I'm female and straight.
So wat's the matter with a bit of wiggle, butt-shaking movements, sways of lethal beauty here and there? Heck, Beyonce made big a statement for the women of today! Them black soul even invented a dangerous moves on the dancefloor just to shake those booty to stop traffic. Man, curves are made for the 80's, 90's, now and forever!
Long live the curves! Amen.
Labels: Advice
posted by M.E. # 6:19 PM 0 Comments
Misguided Angels
"I said, Papa, don't cry cause it's all right.
And I see you in some of his ways.
Though he might not give me the life that you wanted
I'll love him the rest of my days.
Misguided Angel hanging over me.
Heart like a Gabriel, pure and white as ivory.
Soul like a Lucifer, black and cold like a piece of lead.
Misguided Angel, love you 'til I'm dead."
- Misguided Angel by cowboy junkies
Ever been misguided before? By instinct, heart, advices or even premonitions?
Well, I know people who I've known all my life who has and still is.
Ever been a victim of verbal abuse? Well, it's different from physical abuse definitely as the latter, u can see the after math of the anger-fest, but verbal abuse u cant view it at all.
I dun know how to say it, but I know how it affects the person around them.
Checklist on verbal abuse symptoms.
More checklist.
Just be careful not to fall into one, ok? Even if it is me doing it cause I might not do it intentionally, but it's ur right to say it out loud. If u dun, then it's ur problem for not voicing it and letting me walk all over u. Open communication are lost in this era of virtual communications, sure we get to voice our heart out on the network, but how many actually confront the aggressor? Confrontations are never a favourite pastime for any human being. It's too taxing emotionally, mostly for victims.
I hav been having this forum thing w my friends, so we'd discuss bout wat makes sense n what doesnt. A sort of like self-affirm thing.
She was telling me bout a story of her friend who let the bf walked all over her. When I asked her how come she didnt inform her of the bf's behaviour, she said dun wanna be a relationship breaker. True also, how can we tell a person who seems so happy that their partner is cheating on them? Most ppl would balk or rule us out as being envious of their short-term happiness that they'd stop talking to us after we inform them. Friendship? Out the window, man.
Anyway, the friend broke up after the bf took the gal back and inform her one fine day that they r over. I feel angry that the friend didnt even question him bringing another gal along, but heck, she did and he mentioned that he wun like tat sort of gal. So I guess, this is where benefit of the doubt give ways. Loopholes loopholes..*sigh..
Loophole 1 : The guy shuldnt bring a gal back, no matter friends or not. It's wrong especially if the guy's living w the gf. It's plain bright daylight insulting. Except if the gal's been abused or need protection, otherwise, if on holiday, plain No-No.
Loophole 2 : The girl shouldnt believe him wholeheartedly. There's a reason why they say love is blind. Where gals are concern, it's a bit more personal than most ppl would let one cos gals are mostly self-sacrificial lots. Blame it on gene.
Loophole 3 : The girl spend too much on the guy, and the guy didnt even offer to pay. This is top marker for me. Any guy who lives off girls are just plain old disgusting. Sure, under some circumstance it's understandable, but it's still 50-50 bet. Spend on a guy, they wun appreaciate it, heck, they might just take it for granted. Spend it on a gal, they will feel grateful, might even grant the guys some luck. Which is really the whole point of guys spending on gals. Gals are at the losing end of the ball game, thus u can see why there are more gals climbing the social and career ladders. Trust me gals, let the guys do all the works and u judge it for urself if he's worth all the tricks and affections.
And if a guy tried to make the gal feel jealous and bring her to the brink of frustrations, then he's not worth keeping la. Who wanna stay w a guy / gal who plays mind games?
Ok, move to next topic.
Saw my unimates at Sunway the other day. Went in to shop for a bracelet that caught me eye. There they were. After the proper greeting, they started talking to each other saying "Wow, she's changed." "Yea lo, different from last time." as if I wasnt there or an object of observation.
Hello missy, people change all the time la. Look at the trend nowadays, look at my age now, look at . If I'm still stuck with the uni style and all, then there must be something really wrong with me la. Next time, please la compliment me on the spot. That would've been respectful.
My sis having her first day nursing attachment today. (I've 3 sisters, so u try to rule out which is which la) She's complaining lately bout how she gotta stay in Singapore for 3 years after the study n all. It got to a point where I scold her back for not being grateful and asked her if she regretted not studying strategically when she was in upper six. The good thing bout my family is we are often if not blessed. The bad thing is we never learn how to appreaciate it. So she answered me not much difference also, cos she's not the studying type. Great answer, so great that one answer can overule all her potentials and the fact that she was a great A-type students in her lower secondary. Humans..*bah.
Where most doctrine students from China would want a chance to study in Sg, she'd just complain that she has to stuck there for 3 yrs. Where there are people still unemployed, she complained of being bonded for 3 years. Knowing her, if she's not bonded, she'd get real lazy and not work. Cos tat's just what humans are, lazy bum set out to ruin the earth into a state of catastrophy! *saliva-sputtering
Anyway, I digress. What I wanna say is, we are all b*tches la. One word to rule em out.
Cheers for monday. *whoohoo..Not.
Labels: Thoughts
posted by M.E. # 6:13 PM 0 Comments
Doom Premonitions
U know, been chatting with this friend bout privileges. And a sense of doom.
Ar, sense of doom. My favourite topic.
Ladies and gentlemen, if u do suffer from a sense of doom wherever u are, pls dun ignore it. It's another safety mechanism God instill in us to warn us of impending doom that's larking our way. Be aware of it, be very aware of it.
How does one detect the infernal ngawing of the doom detection? If you feel like there's a corner in ur heart that doesnt feel quite rite, or that u feel like there's a voice telling u "Don't!" or something similar, or when u wanna pee but nothing comes out, it's time to check ur inner self or run like hell..to the next clinic available of course.
That's y they ask us to practice to listen to our heart. This applies for everybody but schizophrenias. Schizophrenias give up their self ownership to the voice within. It's nobody's fault but their own because they dun wanna take responsibilities for their actions, so they feel better giving up that control to some thing who tells them stuff, some voice with no bodies. Ironic wat people believes.
Anyway, just trust that sense of doom cos it's most likely ur lifetime of teachings cum principles which had been breached n the red alert is going off like it's nobody's business.
Labels: Advice
posted by M.E. # 6:08 PM 0 Comments
Love for the Unknown
Her mama runneth off with a raw maker of steel
Her papa never cares for her a penny or less
So she sells her soul, to the next bidder or two"
Lately I'm into black soul thing, u know, those story r&b is trying to tell us?
Ironically I aint no black, nor do I hav the black passion soul in me. But the depression, yes.
Had a nice chat w friend.
She was asking me if I take spirulina supplement or not. For female health purpose. Me no cow, me no eat grass.
My sis goin for NS next year. She was telling me that she was worried bout holding the gun. I can understand if she's afraid of guns. Then she told me that she's afraid of people laughing at her small frame holding the great bazooka as it would seem obviously nonsensically farney. And I was thinking, where did our typical childhood woes go to? When I was her age, I'd be worried bout where my next education x-marker on the Malaysia map would be, and she's having her size-vs-gun dilemma. My my..how the era ages.
Another topic that woe me. The Siti-cum-K wedding. Irony seems to rule the day, as she sang of true love and dressed up like a princess for the day, I was thinking, where did the typical fairytale fantasy gone wrong. During my age, most typical gals would dream of marrying a prince, and live happily ever after. And as I watched the SK wedding, I hav a nagging sensation that she's marrying the king in the story, and the queen went off to another kingdom to nurse her wounds with the princes tagging along. The princess marrying the king? Well..how the era ages indeed. I think the term "And they live happily ever after.." deserves a new makeover after the big event. Call me sceptic, but it's like the kind of wedding I feel when I see Britney married Federline or Lopez married Chris Judd. Then again, one would hav thought that Erra with Yusry would work out, after all that hooha on their movies and chemistry and so call friends-to-lovers stories. *sigh..I think by the time I hav a kid of my own and they start asking me "Mummy, what's love?", I really need some good answer than "It's the thing that makes u go a-flutter.." or "Things that makes ur stomach hav butterflies.." or else they'd think that I meant either the after-drug effect or diarrhoea. I think the better answer would be, "Go ask ur dad.". We are living in the age of doubts, man.
2006; a great year for the stars..many starlets are giving a try at the storks. Gosh, Halle Berry's trying for one without the sake of nuptials, in spite of the modeling bf insisting on one before baby woes. Shows to me the very irony of the Hollywood lifestyle, like the stars itself who tried to give us hope and actions as well as miracles, none of them actually believed in the glory nor tradition of marriagehood. All of em gotta sign prenuptial agreements before marriage. Gawd, even Catherine Zeta herself is getting paid for each year she stayed married to the Douglas dude. She'd be handsomely compensated by the time she retires from Hollywood.
Yupe, 2006, great year for star babies.
Wisdom, To understand a man , to Love and to forgive him,
Patience, For his moods,
Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death " - Anon
Labels: Thoughts
posted by M.E. # 5:57 PM 0 Comments
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