thou shalt not conform when thou could blaze thy own path..
Paying for It
Last weekend, saturday actually, I got into an accident where my car spinned in the speed lane as other cars avoided me. I was avoiding a big puddle of water in the rain as I tried to overtake a car in front of me, lesson learnt; dun twist the wheel when ur car is goin into a big patch of water, more so if u feel ur car is lifting a bit.
First thought that went into my head was "Oh no, I need to claim insurance from Agnes".
Second thought was "Dear God, please dun let the glasses broke" cause it was raining.
Third thought was "Oh God, please dun let the engine be smashed to pieces."
All those thought invaded as my other thoughts emptied itself from my mind while the car was spinning as my hands gripped the wheel, hoping that God's listening to my signal in distress.
Then when it stopped, I checked my car engine to see if it was still running so I can drive it to the road side. When I did that, a guy who parked his car prior to the accident who undoubtedly saw the whole thing ran to my car and knocked on the glasses, before gesturing the thumb's up sign to see if I was ok. I nodded at him, smsed my friend in swk to ask for insurance claiming procedure, then called up my friend to say I wun be coming for dinner.
All those happening was reflex actually, cause I was still in shock, and my hands were actually numbed while my brain emptied it's last thought. I think I sat for a good 5 minutes before uttering "Oh God" in my mind.
I remembered I was really calm while the whole event played in my mind over and over again, especially when my back bumper knocked onto the divider.
It was a lonely time as my sis was outta town, and I dun wanna worry her too much.
I knew if I turned back, I'm just gonna pity myself when I reached home.
So I went straight with my initial plan and had a dinner w friends and throw in a movie till 3 am. I know, I'm nuts.
My friends made pathetic attempt at comforting me, one was telling me the story on how he got into an accident with a car with him on a bicycle and after the incident, cycled himself with the mangled tyre straight back home (I dun know how's that gonna comfort me), another was telling me to feel grateful to higher powers as it culd've been worse (as if that's comforting).
It was a numbing nite as I put away my feeling till it was time to drive again. Then I broke down a lil on the way back home as I washed away the fear, but feeling proud that I've not lost it by the time I reached home.
The incident reminded me of the many times I've been alone as I faced my fear, I guess human spirit can be pretty stable under certain circumstance.
I remembered the auto-pilot me as my mind blanked itself but the responses keep coming in; keep calm, called whoever needed to be called, check for damages, look at surroundings, make a mental note of what to do next whether go home or go to the next authority, drive, not telling my mum.
Ok, the last part was due to fear from being scolded and nagged by my mum, guess teen reflexes still survives after these long years. Plus worrying them is unnecessary, seeing they cant do much from 300, 000 km away and that I'd still need to drive myself home. Either that or cry-and-crawl.
Now when I drive, I'm still feeling flaky. My coll who brought me to check on my car actually was the first person who made me feel comforted (not so flaky) after the whole incident.
All he did was mentioned, "If your car broke down anywhere in the future, just give me a call. No matter what time or place."
I'm grateful for that, though I know I wouldnt call him (the gf wouldnt appreaciate it) but it was really comforting.
Guess sometimes, it takes a stranger for a hug in the dark.
"No More." - ngy
Labels: Lesson
posted by M.E. # 11:26 AM 0 Comments
Step Up
On the New York transit line
If my train jumps off the track
Pick it up pick it up pick it up"
Didnt know the dude can dance really well, coming from an army boy, he's plainly downplaying himself in "She's the Man" and the choreographer for "Step Up" was excellent.
I love this photo especially.
Ghetto style mix w classic elements. White boy amidst latin heat and black music making moves originally pinned down by the African-Americans.
Nice.
Not to mention the fabulous abs.
Nicer.
Please excuse me as I go drool on Channing's pics.
PS : There's this song I've listened to which was featured in "Save the Last Dance", "Step Up" and I think in "Honey" too, nice track to shake the booty. Will update this link when I find the name of the track.
Updates : The track is called "The Choice Is Yours" by the BloodHound Gang.
Labels: Thoughts
posted by M.E. # 10:22 AM 0 Comments
Minute Brain
Today I'll talk bout burning bridges. All it takes is one idiot to burn the whole bridge of a village. Shows also how small a person's mind can be. And how territorial too. Our basic instinct is still intact.
Like last few days, I got a call frm my cousin sister telling me bout how misbehaved my sister was while she was living under their roof. That cousin sister has moved out from the house since she got married, now pregnant with their first child. So there she was, complaining to me bout what her other sisters been telling her. So I told her, if my sister had been misbehaving while living under their roof, they could tell her nicely or tell her in adultly fashion how her behaviour is affecting the other ppl.
But nooOooo, she kept on going and going about how many juices she drank la, how many kuih she took la..disregarding my word entirely. And telling me how the other sisters (one same age as my sis, another same age as mine, both whom prefer to keep quiet in front of my sis but scold their mum and blame it on my sis and who'd complain behind her back then the elder sister come and complain to me) are scolding their mum becos of my sister's behaviour. And that she knows how it feels like having a child as she herself is conceiving one.
F*cker. As if my sister is conceived by the air la, no mother la, some stranger who is being born on the earth with no parents la. )^^&*%&$%^#%@#$%#
Show's to me, the very extent of a human mind; minute.
The odd part is really bout the food my sis consumed while living under their quarters, and those food are really cheap by Malaysian default, which they can tell me in numbers how many my sis consumed, the oddest part is when a 27-yr-old-mother-to-be adult telling me this sort of stuff, while my sis is in the dark of how she was presumed while she stayed there during the weekend, which only happens like 2 days a week, 4 times a month, while some days, she lived in Singapore doing her own stuff. And she's been there for half a year; one semester. And nobody tells her to keep her toes in line??? What kind of adult is that?? Some more need to take one round before coming back to the main reason. Seems like office politic only, no tact.
I still respect the parents, but the children, they deserve sound spanking. But I'm pretty sure that the comeuppance will come in the form of their children. Karma; how one treats another, one will receive in abundance.
I've been handling hypocrisy for almost the rest of my life; behaving like an indifferent adult when I really feel like chopping ppl's head off, keeping my mouth shut when I feel like giving them a screaming lesson of their life and holding back when I really feel like hitting back verbally where it hurts most, but I didnt waste 3 yrs studying to return back to fighting with audio leverage. Words hurt, and there are too many bridges burnt from such scars. Human's pride are most precious when they are on the defense, the older we grow, the bigger pride we have, and the smaller mind we get.
I guess it's true that as we grow older, our brain cells do die a lot. *sigh..
Chinese society; great in numbers, small in mind.
Like last few days, I got a call frm my cousin sister telling me bout how misbehaved my sister was while she was living under their roof. That cousin sister has moved out from the house since she got married, now pregnant with their first child. So there she was, complaining to me bout what her other sisters been telling her. So I told her, if my sister had been misbehaving while living under their roof, they could tell her nicely or tell her in adultly fashion how her behaviour is affecting the other ppl.
But nooOooo, she kept on going and going about how many juices she drank la, how many kuih she took la..disregarding my word entirely. And telling me how the other sisters (one same age as my sis, another same age as mine, both whom prefer to keep quiet in front of my sis but scold their mum and blame it on my sis and who'd complain behind her back then the elder sister come and complain to me) are scolding their mum becos of my sister's behaviour. And that she knows how it feels like having a child as she herself is conceiving one.
F*cker. As if my sister is conceived by the air la, no mother la, some stranger who is being born on the earth with no parents la. )^^&*%&$%^#%@#$%#
Show's to me, the very extent of a human mind; minute.
The odd part is really bout the food my sis consumed while living under their quarters, and those food are really cheap by Malaysian default, which they can tell me in numbers how many my sis consumed, the oddest part is when a 27-yr-old-mother-to-be adult telling me this sort of stuff, while my sis is in the dark of how she was presumed while she stayed there during the weekend, which only happens like 2 days a week, 4 times a month, while some days, she lived in Singapore doing her own stuff. And she's been there for half a year; one semester. And nobody tells her to keep her toes in line??? What kind of adult is that?? Some more need to take one round before coming back to the main reason. Seems like office politic only, no tact.
I still respect the parents, but the children, they deserve sound spanking. But I'm pretty sure that the comeuppance will come in the form of their children. Karma; how one treats another, one will receive in abundance.
I've been handling hypocrisy for almost the rest of my life; behaving like an indifferent adult when I really feel like chopping ppl's head off, keeping my mouth shut when I feel like giving them a screaming lesson of their life and holding back when I really feel like hitting back verbally where it hurts most, but I didnt waste 3 yrs studying to return back to fighting with audio leverage. Words hurt, and there are too many bridges burnt from such scars. Human's pride are most precious when they are on the defense, the older we grow, the bigger pride we have, and the smaller mind we get.
I guess it's true that as we grow older, our brain cells do die a lot. *sigh..
Chinese society; great in numbers, small in mind.
Labels: Angst
posted by M.E. # 10:21 AM 0 Comments
Temper Temper
Remember to control ur temper..
Cos temper temper, mouth a-simper..
Angry words can't be taken back.
Just to let those ppl who feels overwhemed by pressure;
Remember that there are other ppl more pressured than u are..
Ur feelings alone we do not care..
Step our toes, u are dead.
Temper temper, mouth o-whimper..
Angry words are light and easy to utter..
Any imbecile can utter angry words..
It takes an intellect to hold one's tongue.
One two three and maybe four..
That's how long it takes for a piece of paper..
But it takes only an angry word to proof..
A person's knowledge, wisdom and whether money-spent wisely.
I'm just here for the money..
To lubricate my ever colorful lifestyle..
On good days, I'm here for the company..
There's some days, money's only I'm aftering.
** 1'm j5$7 p1$$3P, $0 p1$$3P, 17 1n$p1r3P 4 p03m 05774 m3. N0b0P% {n0w$ m% (r3471v3 $1P3. **
Labels: Angst
posted by M.E. # 5:44 PM 0 Comments
So You Think You Can Dance
Lately I'm into "So you think you can dance" reality show.
Sexy sexy bodies on movement. Cant wait for them to go hollywood, which is like next week's show. Malaysia is now watching season 1, whereas in US they just ended season 2. We are always behind schedule.
I think the dancing scenes are mostly a gal's thing, mayb cos it's like sex but in a more romantic and tasteful manners. The mexicans, italians, spanish, latins are getting it rite.
*sigh..I so wanna dance.
G: "If we do happen to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?"
EB: "Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in the air and scatter oneself over a wide area."
- Somewhere in No Man's Land, BA4
Sexy sexy bodies on movement. Cant wait for them to go hollywood, which is like next week's show. Malaysia is now watching season 1, whereas in US they just ended season 2. We are always behind schedule.
I think the dancing scenes are mostly a gal's thing, mayb cos it's like sex but in a more romantic and tasteful manners. The mexicans, italians, spanish, latins are getting it rite.
*sigh..I so wanna dance.
EB: "Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in the air and scatter oneself over a wide area."
- Somewhere in No Man's Land, BA4
Labels: Inspiration, Motivation
posted by M.E. # 2:24 PM 0 Comments
Manja No Work
U know wat pisses me off? Manja colleagues / ppl.
I hate manja ppl, cos they make my skin crawl, makes me wanna bang against the wall, marinate my head in sour juices and jump from the building.
The face, gestures..*eeek. Yuck. Just shoot me.
When guys treat me like tat, I just wanna slap them and say "Be serious a bit will ya!" or "Grow up!", if gals do that I really wanna punch them in the face and shout "Go home and complain to mummy, I dare u." or "Grow up!" or move a little bit farther.
Yes, I'm a nasty b*tch.
Manja-ness has never agreed w me. It gives me a lot of side-effects like; brain-jam, eyes-rolling in slow motion, mental-head-banging, makes my hair stand and scowl formation. It also makes me wanna talk like a californian beach dude..u know, that sleepy eyed, drug enhanced, mouth agape with saliva drooling dude who cant think beyond the next wave and speech not above a 2-yr-old. Yea, tat kinda look. Kills off me brain cells too.
Dun be manja with me, not unless u are a puppy.
"Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour." - Anon
I hate manja ppl, cos they make my skin crawl, makes me wanna bang against the wall, marinate my head in sour juices and jump from the building.
The face, gestures..*eeek. Yuck. Just shoot me.
When guys treat me like tat, I just wanna slap them and say "Be serious a bit will ya!" or "Grow up!", if gals do that I really wanna punch them in the face and shout "Go home and complain to mummy, I dare u." or "Grow up!" or move a little bit farther.
Yes, I'm a nasty b*tch.
Manja-ness has never agreed w me. It gives me a lot of side-effects like; brain-jam, eyes-rolling in slow motion, mental-head-banging, makes my hair stand and scowl formation. It also makes me wanna talk like a californian beach dude..u know, that sleepy eyed, drug enhanced, mouth agape with saliva drooling dude who cant think beyond the next wave and speech not above a 2-yr-old. Yea, tat kinda look. Kills off me brain cells too.
Dun be manja with me, not unless u are a puppy.
Labels: Advice
posted by M.E. # 2:24 PM 0 Comments
Dream Interpretation
Had a dream last nite, interesting one.
Dreamt a guy serenaded me, then confronted me with ungrounded remarks and the next thing I knew, I was on his back pulling his hair and scratching his skin like a manic ape-woman. Then a different senario where another guy was showing off a zoo on a trip in a boat to another woman while I got jealous in the background and sulk, which makes me think, walaoyeh, I'm starting to show off womanly virtues (not the positive ones of course).
Then I go to the dream interpretations websites and come up with this :
Fight - To dream that you participate in a fight, indicates inner turmoil. Some aspect of yourself is in conflict with another aspect of yourself. Perhaps an unresolved or unacknowledged part is fighting for its right to be heard. It may also parallel a fight or struggle that you are going through in your waking life.
Or :
- Unresolved internal conflict
- Seeing a tough time through
- An unconcious stance of resistance against something that needs to be acknowledged
- Feeling a need to defend or protect yourself
- Competing with others
Was I fighting to the death? Cos the indication would denotes "To dream that you are fighting to the death, indicates that you are unwilling to acknowledge a waking conflict or your own inner turmoil. You are unwilling and refusing to change your old attitudes and habits."
Hmm, dun think so, though the effort was meticulously convincing.
Jealousy - Experiencing jealousy in your daily life may cause you to dream about it. If you are not aware of your jealousy, your unconscious may be giving you some hints of awareness. Jealousy is usually a result of insecurity. Consider this dream a learning experience. Analyze some of your feelings of insecurity or inadequacy and then begin to deal with those issues.
Ok, so now I got inner turmoil and insecurity issues. Now that I got the cause of such anxiety sorted out, next on my list is to figure out the source of such anxiousness.
Wat causes my inner turmoil? I'm having exam soon, and moving to a new place, and the agent havent confirm my parking space yet, and the procedure for the condo is still in progress. I'm kinda surprise my period hasnt stopped mid-stream. *sigh..
Insecurity issues. Partly I guess I'm a paranoid person, like when I'm going out from the house, I'm always imagining worst case senarios ever; the house would be burnt to crisp due to leaking gas, forgot to turn off kettle for boiling water, electricity short circuit, bush burning, terrorist attack, burglary, the car got stolen, serial killer / rapist hanging around etc etc. So I guess, that's a normal daily anxiety anybody would have. Just I had mine everyday that I got used to it. My method is, que sera sera, watever will be will be, burn ma burn la, stolen ma stolen la, be observant and confident and carry a large stick.
"Don't piss me off - I'm running out of places to hide the bodies." - Anon
Dreamt a guy serenaded me, then confronted me with ungrounded remarks and the next thing I knew, I was on his back pulling his hair and scratching his skin like a manic ape-woman. Then a different senario where another guy was showing off a zoo on a trip in a boat to another woman while I got jealous in the background and sulk, which makes me think, walaoyeh, I'm starting to show off womanly virtues (not the positive ones of course).
Then I go to the dream interpretations websites and come up with this :
Fight - To dream that you participate in a fight, indicates inner turmoil. Some aspect of yourself is in conflict with another aspect of yourself. Perhaps an unresolved or unacknowledged part is fighting for its right to be heard. It may also parallel a fight or struggle that you are going through in your waking life.
Or :
- Unresolved internal conflict
- Seeing a tough time through
- An unconcious stance of resistance against something that needs to be acknowledged
- Feeling a need to defend or protect yourself
- Competing with others
Was I fighting to the death? Cos the indication would denotes "To dream that you are fighting to the death, indicates that you are unwilling to acknowledge a waking conflict or your own inner turmoil. You are unwilling and refusing to change your old attitudes and habits."
Hmm, dun think so, though the effort was meticulously convincing.
Jealousy - Experiencing jealousy in your daily life may cause you to dream about it. If you are not aware of your jealousy, your unconscious may be giving you some hints of awareness. Jealousy is usually a result of insecurity. Consider this dream a learning experience. Analyze some of your feelings of insecurity or inadequacy and then begin to deal with those issues.
Ok, so now I got inner turmoil and insecurity issues. Now that I got the cause of such anxiety sorted out, next on my list is to figure out the source of such anxiousness.
Wat causes my inner turmoil? I'm having exam soon, and moving to a new place, and the agent havent confirm my parking space yet, and the procedure for the condo is still in progress. I'm kinda surprise my period hasnt stopped mid-stream. *sigh..
Insecurity issues. Partly I guess I'm a paranoid person, like when I'm going out from the house, I'm always imagining worst case senarios ever; the house would be burnt to crisp due to leaking gas, forgot to turn off kettle for boiling water, electricity short circuit, bush burning, terrorist attack, burglary, the car got stolen, serial killer / rapist hanging around etc etc. So I guess, that's a normal daily anxiety anybody would have. Just I had mine everyday that I got used to it. My method is, que sera sera, watever will be will be, burn ma burn la, stolen ma stolen la, be observant and confident and carry a large stick.
Labels: Thoughts
posted by M.E. # 2:23 PM 0 Comments
Regular Monday
Just went to midvalley to get the snp from Oon & Partner. Only the receptionist was around. Passed me the doc, made a little conversation and go.
Then passed bangsar on the way to mont kiara, and bought meself a mango lassi. Great morning breakfast, will hav to rear some of that yeast when I moved to my new place, which hopefully will happen by next year January, hopefully. Wanna start decorating the place already, got a few themes in mind, but the living room will be simple and bookstore looking; wooden / teak furniture, black+gold wall drawings / colorful ones (havent decided), a wooden room divider screen to filter out the sunlight, lotsa bookshelves (may wanna get cheap bookshelves and paint em black / mahogany), a rug, and couples of in-door plants. All these might take me pretty some time as I'm still trying to find the pieces that I like and at a affordable pricing. My bedroom will be red and black, hopefully I can get that queen's bed design that I like, a reading bench, dividing screen and lots of that velvety cloth roses for table decorations, tv in my room, seashell for soap holder..cant wait. The rest of the rooms will be rented out by then.
On the walk from the parking lot (near some living condos) to my office, saw an indian guy jerking off behind some aluminium fence (where the construction sites are located). Quickly avoid him before he saw me. Dun wanna b some creep's fantasy while he made out in full view of the grass and trees, wish I can shout aloud and made him fell off the edge and into impending dooms underneath. *sigh..Wish there are more ppl walking at the sidewalks too. Not a very good day to start the monday, especially w the mango lassi churning in my tummy now.
B got the offer from a private lodge school in kuching, so she'll be going back this year end and live w mum. Mum's pretty happy w the news as she's finally having some company, while I'll be having my headache here as I've to crack my brains for blue-mon breakfast, daily luncheons, indescribable dinners and occassional suppers. I've been thinking of goin vege at home, cos it's easiest to prepare, or having just soups / brothes cos rice for myself alone would be a waste or go for fruit diet. Or dabao. Or do instant spaghetti / pasta or just sleep it thru.
D's having her spm mock exams this week.
Nat's back home at hometown, but coming out to kuching then JB soon as her holiday is finishing.
Last sat moved house to the condo near the place where I'll be occupying in the future, now still in process of getting the live-in permit aka OP cos my current place is eating up all my savings and we need to save for furniture. Sonny will be living with a new foster family, D smsed me "Hei jia, wat u people doing there? me is dd. u fel sad depart w ur dog? mum say she hate ur dog. haha. u dont go out w ur fren?" Dunno I should feel sad or relieved when I saw the sms. Me n my sis all have weird sense of humour. Anyway, the dog shuld be ok. Will check out on him once a while.
Anyway, able to save up rm200-350 at the new place, which is a room. If u r asking me why we didnt shift early, that's cos we are waiting for the 2 months notice to expire. And if u r asking y we didnt anticipate such senario, that's cos love is blind. I was not the one in love btw.
Nice housemates btw. First batch of occupants and house owner provides pretty curtains.
Anyway, will hav pool privilege starting from next week. *drooling.
"Cooking lesson #1: don't fry bacon in the nude." - Anon
Then passed bangsar on the way to mont kiara, and bought meself a mango lassi. Great morning breakfast, will hav to rear some of that yeast when I moved to my new place, which hopefully will happen by next year January, hopefully. Wanna start decorating the place already, got a few themes in mind, but the living room will be simple and bookstore looking; wooden / teak furniture, black+gold wall drawings / colorful ones (havent decided), a wooden room divider screen to filter out the sunlight, lotsa bookshelves (may wanna get cheap bookshelves and paint em black / mahogany), a rug, and couples of in-door plants. All these might take me pretty some time as I'm still trying to find the pieces that I like and at a affordable pricing. My bedroom will be red and black, hopefully I can get that queen's bed design that I like, a reading bench, dividing screen and lots of that velvety cloth roses for table decorations, tv in my room, seashell for soap holder..cant wait. The rest of the rooms will be rented out by then.
On the walk from the parking lot (near some living condos) to my office, saw an indian guy jerking off behind some aluminium fence (where the construction sites are located). Quickly avoid him before he saw me. Dun wanna b some creep's fantasy while he made out in full view of the grass and trees, wish I can shout aloud and made him fell off the edge and into impending dooms underneath. *sigh..Wish there are more ppl walking at the sidewalks too. Not a very good day to start the monday, especially w the mango lassi churning in my tummy now.
B got the offer from a private lodge school in kuching, so she'll be going back this year end and live w mum. Mum's pretty happy w the news as she's finally having some company, while I'll be having my headache here as I've to crack my brains for blue-mon breakfast, daily luncheons, indescribable dinners and occassional suppers. I've been thinking of goin vege at home, cos it's easiest to prepare, or having just soups / brothes cos rice for myself alone would be a waste or go for fruit diet. Or dabao. Or do instant spaghetti / pasta or just sleep it thru.
D's having her spm mock exams this week.
Nat's back home at hometown, but coming out to kuching then JB soon as her holiday is finishing.
Last sat moved house to the condo near the place where I'll be occupying in the future, now still in process of getting the live-in permit aka OP cos my current place is eating up all my savings and we need to save for furniture. Sonny will be living with a new foster family, D smsed me "Hei jia, wat u people doing there? me is dd. u fel sad depart w ur dog? mum say she hate ur dog. haha. u dont go out w ur fren?" Dunno I should feel sad or relieved when I saw the sms. Me n my sis all have weird sense of humour. Anyway, the dog shuld be ok. Will check out on him once a while.
Anyway, able to save up rm200-350 at the new place, which is a room. If u r asking me why we didnt shift early, that's cos we are waiting for the 2 months notice to expire. And if u r asking y we didnt anticipate such senario, that's cos love is blind. I was not the one in love btw.
Nice housemates btw. First batch of occupants and house owner provides pretty curtains.
Anyway, will hav pool privilege starting from next week. *drooling.
Labels: Daily
posted by M.E. # 2:22 PM 0 Comments
My Psychotic Family
B was telling me the other day that Nat msged her saying that D scolded her bastard for not returning her sms.
I never know my sis can curse so well..
..
Oh dear.
Pls let them curse w discretion.
Just the other day I and my sis went to her church mate's off to grab some boxes.
We were both in such jolly morning mood that we call each other's name by asshole with a grin, sometimes followed by a few slaps and pinches here and there.
It sure woke me up that morn. Usually I hav darn headache if somebody curse me so early in the morn, but like wat I said, we were in exceptionally blue moon jolly good mood.
Anyway, I need to learn more french curses other than merde, sacre-bleu and vas faire fut..
Labels: Thoughts
posted by M.E. # 3:23 PM 0 Comments
Archives
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
November 2005
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
Subscribe to Posts [Atom]