thou shalt not conform when thou could blaze thy own path..
Betrayal
It was late into the night.
She dared not to go home and discovered he was not back yet.
She couldnt get a divorce without giving it a second chance, but oh how hard this second chance is causing her. Her face is straining with the effort to conceal the pain from the world.
She still couldnt believe he did this to her.
--
"How could u!!!" She screamed.
He kept quiet and didnt say a word.
She held the vase in her hand, and saw how her vein throbbed as her fingers clenched onto it's fragile stem.
Then she put the vase down. And sat on the nearest chair.
She put her forehead onto her hand; half of her face is hidden, half of it contorted into a mask of disbelief and frustration.
Then she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, as she stood up her shoulders faltered.
She walked to the door and started the car.
--
It's been two weeks and the memory of it was like it had happened yesterday.
He never said anything.
She went home and prepared dinner as usual, face unreadable, movement sure as she chopped up the vegetable and cooked the dishes.
Nobody would've guessed she was grieving.
She ate and left for her routine jog.
He came back and saw the food on the table, and went to take his bath.
He touched none of the food and went to work in his office room.
She came back and took her bath in the library's toilet.
They both made painful effort to avoid one another as they tried to make it work, tried for a second chance.
At night before they sleep, usually one would come into the room find the other snuggled with the back facing him or her.
As they slept next to one another, the sound of the clockwork broke the silence.
--
He could not stand the hypocrisy of it any longer.
He vowed to confront her, once and for all, and solve the matter.
--
"We need to talk." He said.
"We have nothing more to talk about the matter. Case closed. Go to sleep." She snuggled the blanket tightly around her, her mouth a tight grim line.
He sat up and faced her. Then he grabbed her arm and shook her up to face him.
Her hands sprang to meet his, both of their face contorted by anger.
"What the hell do you want to talk about? There's nothing left to talk." She said between clenched teeth.
Before he could say anything, she stood up and walked to the bathroom and locked it.
He sat in the bed, frustrated but listening.
She opened the water tap and put both her hands on the sink as tears fell into the running water, keeping her sobs to herself.
Then she sat on the side of the bathtub and held her forehead as tears flowed.
She blamed herself for trusting him when all her instincts said otherwise when she got to know him.
He blamed himself for making the mistake in the first place, and for not hiding of his tracks carefully.
She swore she would never forget.
He swore he's going to change.
By the time she came out, he's moved to the study room.
--
In time, both learnt to forgive but never forget.
Reality Ending
Happy Ending
Sad Ending
"Betrayal is like a broken glass, though u put it all back, u can still see the cracks." - Anon
She dared not to go home and discovered he was not back yet.
She couldnt get a divorce without giving it a second chance, but oh how hard this second chance is causing her. Her face is straining with the effort to conceal the pain from the world.
She still couldnt believe he did this to her.
--
"How could u!!!" She screamed.
He kept quiet and didnt say a word.
She held the vase in her hand, and saw how her vein throbbed as her fingers clenched onto it's fragile stem.
Then she put the vase down. And sat on the nearest chair.
She put her forehead onto her hand; half of her face is hidden, half of it contorted into a mask of disbelief and frustration.
Then she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, as she stood up her shoulders faltered.
She walked to the door and started the car.
--
It's been two weeks and the memory of it was like it had happened yesterday.
He never said anything.
She went home and prepared dinner as usual, face unreadable, movement sure as she chopped up the vegetable and cooked the dishes.
Nobody would've guessed she was grieving.
She ate and left for her routine jog.
He came back and saw the food on the table, and went to take his bath.
He touched none of the food and went to work in his office room.
She came back and took her bath in the library's toilet.
They both made painful effort to avoid one another as they tried to make it work, tried for a second chance.
At night before they sleep, usually one would come into the room find the other snuggled with the back facing him or her.
As they slept next to one another, the sound of the clockwork broke the silence.
--
He could not stand the hypocrisy of it any longer.
He vowed to confront her, once and for all, and solve the matter.
--
"We need to talk." He said.
"We have nothing more to talk about the matter. Case closed. Go to sleep." She snuggled the blanket tightly around her, her mouth a tight grim line.
He sat up and faced her. Then he grabbed her arm and shook her up to face him.
Her hands sprang to meet his, both of their face contorted by anger.
"What the hell do you want to talk about? There's nothing left to talk." She said between clenched teeth.
Before he could say anything, she stood up and walked to the bathroom and locked it.
He sat in the bed, frustrated but listening.
She opened the water tap and put both her hands on the sink as tears fell into the running water, keeping her sobs to herself.
Then she sat on the side of the bathtub and held her forehead as tears flowed.
She blamed herself for trusting him when all her instincts said otherwise when she got to know him.
He blamed himself for making the mistake in the first place, and for not hiding of his tracks carefully.
She swore she would never forget.
He swore he's going to change.
By the time she came out, he's moved to the study room.
--
In time, both learnt to forgive but never forget.
Reality Ending
Happy Ending
Sad Ending
Labels: Story
posted by M.E. # 4:59 PM 3 Comments
Story Behind the Tattoo
Everybody has a story behind their tattoo.
Johnny Depp kept his tattoos in a journal way; specific time in his life when he make a mark on himself, 13 tattoos that mark significant memories, an Indian head for his heritage, "Lily-Rose" over his heart, a sparrow flying over water with the word "Jack" his son below "Betty Sue" his mum, a ribbon reading "Wino Forever" and many more.
The Sarawak tribes with their warrior tattoos to signify bravery or the number of enemies they've killed, same for other tribal tattoos like Haitians and Samoa and Maori or etc.
For me, tattoo signifies self-definition, individualism and strength.
I wanted one on my lower back, so I'll always remember to be brave for myself especially when I feel really beaten or discouraged or when I needed a reminder.
I remembered my birthday this year, it was a tough time.
I always thought my grandpa would lived to see my first child, cos I never got to meet my great grandpa.
Knowing how great my grandpa is, I'm pretty sure he'd be a great person too.
I never celebrated my birthday this year cos he passed on early of the year and I never stopped thinking bout the vow I made to myself. It's tat moment that I've wished I'd hav done something stoopid like getting freaking drunk and go to waste cos I cant get the grief out, but logic and knowing that the consequence would've devastated my parents kept it all in. I guess till today I still walked with grief on my sleeve, how to release a sadness that u failed such a simple task?
Since my mum's discouraging me from having one there, I think I'll just go for a tiny weeny belly ring.
*sigh..sometimes it's so small, I kinda forgotten that it existed.
But when I do hav a family of my own, I'll create an emblem so all of us will hav a family tattoo, including the kids when they reach puberty or 21. They get to choose their own color.
It'd have 4 symbols; Strength, Love/Peace and Courage, all the elements that bind a family.
The last symbol is self-definition, they can decide it when they reach an older age, enuf time to redo the ink of the design as well.
It'd be like a legacy, things to pass on to the next generation, kinda like Patek Philippe's slogan; "You never actually own a Patek Philippe. You merely take care of it for the next generation" or "Begin your own tradition".
How cool can that be..
Johnny Depp kept his tattoos in a journal way; specific time in his life when he make a mark on himself, 13 tattoos that mark significant memories, an Indian head for his heritage, "Lily-Rose" over his heart, a sparrow flying over water with the word "Jack" his son below "Betty Sue" his mum, a ribbon reading "Wino Forever" and many more.
The Sarawak tribes with their warrior tattoos to signify bravery or the number of enemies they've killed, same for other tribal tattoos like Haitians and Samoa and Maori or etc.
For me, tattoo signifies self-definition, individualism and strength.
I wanted one on my lower back, so I'll always remember to be brave for myself especially when I feel really beaten or discouraged or when I needed a reminder.
I remembered my birthday this year, it was a tough time.
I always thought my grandpa would lived to see my first child, cos I never got to meet my great grandpa.
Knowing how great my grandpa is, I'm pretty sure he'd be a great person too.
I never celebrated my birthday this year cos he passed on early of the year and I never stopped thinking bout the vow I made to myself. It's tat moment that I've wished I'd hav done something stoopid like getting freaking drunk and go to waste cos I cant get the grief out, but logic and knowing that the consequence would've devastated my parents kept it all in. I guess till today I still walked with grief on my sleeve, how to release a sadness that u failed such a simple task?
Since my mum's discouraging me from having one there, I think I'll just go for a tiny weeny belly ring.
*sigh..sometimes it's so small, I kinda forgotten that it existed.
But when I do hav a family of my own, I'll create an emblem so all of us will hav a family tattoo, including the kids when they reach puberty or 21. They get to choose their own color.
It'd have 4 symbols; Strength, Love/Peace and Courage, all the elements that bind a family.
The last symbol is self-definition, they can decide it when they reach an older age, enuf time to redo the ink of the design as well.
It'd be like a legacy, things to pass on to the next generation, kinda like Patek Philippe's slogan; "You never actually own a Patek Philippe. You merely take care of it for the next generation" or "Begin your own tradition".
How cool can that be..
Labels: Thoughts
posted by M.E. # 4:13 PM 0 Comments
Amore
What I've Forgotten, is how beautiful Andrea Bocelli can sound.
He may not be able to see, that makes him sing from the heart and it does take one heart to know another.
I can only imagine myself dancing softly with a faceless man slowly to the rhythm of his voice; my left
hand on his shoulder, my right hand on his left, his right hand at the curve behind of my back, moving left
and then right, twirling in a circle, lights dim and a single rose stem on a round white covered table, the
stagelight shining upon us, as we slowly soften our twirl to simple steps..
I like Moulin Rouge for the reason that it shows me, sometimes having a short moment of happiness even
beats the regrets of a lifetime on a rare occassion.
Usually I'd hate tragic ending movies, but Ewan McGregor showed me otherwise, with him in any
broadway-induced movie, I'd watch just cos he makes me happy.
Anyway, listening to Andrea makes me dream very far..
He may not be able to see, that makes him sing from the heart and it does take one heart to know another.
I can only imagine myself dancing softly with a faceless man slowly to the rhythm of his voice; my left
hand on his shoulder, my right hand on his left, his right hand at the curve behind of my back, moving left
and then right, twirling in a circle, lights dim and a single rose stem on a round white covered table, the
stagelight shining upon us, as we slowly soften our twirl to simple steps..
I like Moulin Rouge for the reason that it shows me, sometimes having a short moment of happiness even
beats the regrets of a lifetime on a rare occassion.
Usually I'd hate tragic ending movies, but Ewan McGregor showed me otherwise, with him in any
broadway-induced movie, I'd watch just cos he makes me happy.
Anyway, listening to Andrea makes me dream very far..
Labels: Lyrical
posted by M.E. # 4:11 PM 0 Comments
Gil Grissom, CSI
Lately I've been dreaming during nite, not afternoon naps..nite.
I've dreamt of encountering many lizards and another one lotsa snakes. I searched up dream interpretation and they told me it's about change in my life. Hmm..interesting, I welcome change anytime.
Last nite I had a wonderful dream bout me getting involved with an investigation with Gil Grissom from CSI.
Instead of the aging, nerdy Gil, in my dream he was sporty and normal. He greeted me wearing sport shoes and cycling attires with the bicycle to boot before we went off to the morning market getting some stuff before we head off to our investigation.
It was great while it lasted. *sigh..
I've dreamt of encountering many lizards and another one lotsa snakes. I searched up dream interpretation and they told me it's about change in my life. Hmm..interesting, I welcome change anytime.
Last nite I had a wonderful dream bout me getting involved with an investigation with Gil Grissom from CSI.
Instead of the aging, nerdy Gil, in my dream he was sporty and normal. He greeted me wearing sport shoes and cycling attires with the bicycle to boot before we went off to the morning market getting some stuff before we head off to our investigation.
It was great while it lasted. *sigh..
Labels: Daily, Knick-Knacks
posted by M.E. # 5:36 PM 0 Comments
Forgetting and Forgiving
Somebody told me tat one person cant forgive if they cant forget.
It's not entirely true. I've come to realise that one person can forgive even if they cant forget.
Forgiveness for me is accepting a person has made a mistake or a bundle of mistakes and accepting them back into one's life at that particular moment when one forgives.
Forgetting is let bygone be bygone. No more mentioning it in the future.
I may be able to forgive, but I rarely forgets.
I may not remember sometimes, but I never forgets.
If a person says sorry and asks for my forgiveness, but repeating their mistakes in the future, I'm not likely to forgive after that cos in my opinion, forgiving a person consistently for the same mistakes after they apologizing over and over again is like staying with an abusive partner who hit me once and say sorry, then hit me again and again after that.
I may be weird, but I'm just not into emo-SM. It's too self-destructive for me, plus though I hav lotsa ego and healthy self-esteem to spare, they can also be used up in time.
Thus I'd hav to say; one can forgive, but one rarely forgets. That's why, the person who rarely forgets also hav a hard time sleeping at nite due to the bundles of emotions that they're carrying around.
It's not entirely true. I've come to realise that one person can forgive even if they cant forget.
Forgiveness for me is accepting a person has made a mistake or a bundle of mistakes and accepting them back into one's life at that particular moment when one forgives.
Forgetting is let bygone be bygone. No more mentioning it in the future.
I may be able to forgive, but I rarely forgets.
I may not remember sometimes, but I never forgets.
If a person says sorry and asks for my forgiveness, but repeating their mistakes in the future, I'm not likely to forgive after that cos in my opinion, forgiving a person consistently for the same mistakes after they apologizing over and over again is like staying with an abusive partner who hit me once and say sorry, then hit me again and again after that.
I may be weird, but I'm just not into emo-SM. It's too self-destructive for me, plus though I hav lotsa ego and healthy self-esteem to spare, they can also be used up in time.
Thus I'd hav to say; one can forgive, but one rarely forgets. That's why, the person who rarely forgets also hav a hard time sleeping at nite due to the bundles of emotions that they're carrying around.
Labels: Principle
posted by M.E. # 4:39 PM 0 Comments
Demotivated
I'm depress at the moment with myself.
It's been a hard few months for me as there's no improvement in term of professionalism nor skillset, perhaps I was getting lazy.
But if last time during such moments like tis, I'd pick myself up and keep on moving forward, as "Meet the Robinson" tag line suggested.
Lately however, a person's comment makes me think, why does it hav to be me who hav to keep moving forward when other ppl is complaining left right about their lives and do nothing about it?
I mean, I can be lazy and do nothing and when ppl starts complaining I'd go, "U dun care about me! I've been working my arse off and u dun understand me! I've given my best shot bla bla bla.."
Man, I sure wanna do that and see if tat method works for me professionally or personally or not.
It sure demotivates me to think there are such selfish ppl alive on this planet who thinks of nothing but themselves.
It sure makes me tick off when I realise that I've been a fool being played around as I've relentlessly working my butt off and didn't complain one bit.
It sure makes me feel angry that I didn't use all that free time in my hands to complain bout how sucky my life is, how hard I hav to work, how much hours I put into my work and how other ppl dun understand me one bit.
I'm a fool, well..tat's for sure.
It's been a hard few months for me as there's no improvement in term of professionalism nor skillset, perhaps I was getting lazy.
But if last time during such moments like tis, I'd pick myself up and keep on moving forward, as "Meet the Robinson" tag line suggested.
Lately however, a person's comment makes me think, why does it hav to be me who hav to keep moving forward when other ppl is complaining left right about their lives and do nothing about it?
I mean, I can be lazy and do nothing and when ppl starts complaining I'd go, "U dun care about me! I've been working my arse off and u dun understand me! I've given my best shot bla bla bla.."
Man, I sure wanna do that and see if tat method works for me professionally or personally or not.
It sure demotivates me to think there are such selfish ppl alive on this planet who thinks of nothing but themselves.
It sure makes me tick off when I realise that I've been a fool being played around as I've relentlessly working my butt off and didn't complain one bit.
It sure makes me feel angry that I didn't use all that free time in my hands to complain bout how sucky my life is, how hard I hav to work, how much hours I put into my work and how other ppl dun understand me one bit.
I'm a fool, well..tat's for sure.
Labels: Angst
posted by M.E. # 10:00 AM 0 Comments
Poetic Ammo
Ever been supersticious before? Though u think u might not be one nor settle for one or even be in the same
class as one?
And to be careless living ur life on the reverie..
Sometimes u dun need a chapter to tell u how to live ur life
Sometimes being there made ur day
Sometimes locked up in the gutter is all u hav
My mama taught me to be independent,
She had forgotten the chapter on heartbreaks..
I crawl my way to oblivion
Hoping God would forgive all my petty sins
Sometimes people laugh at what u do
Sometimes people dun take u seriously for what u are
At times u think if it's all worth it or not
At the end u bulldoze ur way thru without a backward glance.
Diamond earrings, gold pendants and silky dominions
Champagne glasses chink on marble floor
Mascara runneth in the bathroom sink
Bodies sprawled across cold hard stone
Papa dun cry it will be alrite
The angels gonna bring u to heaven's gate
Once I click on the trigger the heaven sings
Free I'll be, forever and ever more..
Cocaince suck on plastic soul
Body for sale, two at a go
Death in the air, bullets maketh the floor
Sins breed the men, women maketh the sins.
She was born during the mayhem season
Her mama runneth off with a raw maker of steel
Her papa never cares for her a penny or less
So she sells her soul, to the next bidder or two
Makeshift beds, and portable chairs
Orange juices swimming in the glass
Golden brown eggs and toasts ready for serve
Heady scents, ready mouths, hungry for life
*I need a man who's made, ready and packed.
So when I say go, he'd say where.
I cant deal with somebody who aint grown up yet or got commitments of his own,
I need a free soul*
"I'll show you how to do something once, I'll help you if you mess up twice, but the third time you're on
your own. 'Cause that's how it is in the world." - Aretha Robinson on Ray Charles
Good girls dun do, they read
Good boys are curious to try
Bad boys dun try, they are go-getters
Bad girls rules the world
Labels: Poetic
posted by M.E. # 2:40 PM 0 Comments
Archives
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
November 2005
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
Subscribe to Posts [Atom]