thou shalt not conform when thou could blaze thy own path..

Static

It's tiring when you want to complain to somebody, all you hear is static.

Nope, I'm not talking bout hp reception.

I'm talking bout ppl who are not interested in whatever u r saying.

I'm talking bout ppl who tell u stuff that u've heard before.

I'm talking bout ppl who joke with u when u r being serious.

I'm talking bout energy-suckers.

I hate talking to ppl bout my problems cos I can usually predict what they wanna tell me. Actually, I can.

It's either a sympathetic sigh, a "I dunno what I would do if I were you", a "it's like tat one", a "live life free!", a "dun care so much", a "bunch of assholes" or smtg else.

They'd never come up with "Let's go and burn their house down" but dun really mean it, or "I'll hold them, u punch em", or "Burn ur bridges, then u cant look back" kinda mentality.

Anyway, I dun like complaining so much to other ppl cos I dun like the responses I'm getting.

I'm tired of listening to sympathetic ears, I want solutions. Solutions that makes me wanna try em out. Innovative solutions so I can learn from it too cos I've done all the usual solutions and they r no fun.

I'm just bored.

Labels: Self-Mock

posted by M.E. # 9:51 AM 2 Comments

Radical Approaches or Desire To-Wear-Tights-Only

"There are many people who think they want to be matadors, only to find themselves in the ring with two thousand pounds of bull bearing down on them, and then discover that what they really wanted was to wear tight pants and hear the crowd roar."

There are many a time tat a team manager may say things like "Think outside the box..", "Look at the big picture..", "Do something different.."

Crap.

First of all, the ppl who say "Think outside the box.." never did anything outside of the box all their measly lives.

Secondly, "Look at the big picture.." are usually reserved for those decision makers, it's usually an illusion created to give hope for those who dare to dream.

Thirdly, "Do something different.." in my line of work will ensure future maintenance a tin full of worms.

What is it that makes a person dare to dream? Dare to behave outside of their box with no regards of character, position or inheritence?

Hope is a dangerous thing. Like a tin full of worms, it will unleash many unwanted outcome, but at the end of the day, we still manages to fish.

Have a good fishing day.

Labels: Crap

posted by M.E. # 3:45 PM 0 Comments

Japanese Influence

I'm the kinda oddball that still watches cartoons every weekend morning and any midnites with cartoon programmes.

Lately I'm captivated by Garo and Bleach (Animepedia, Wikipedia).

Action figurines and animes will always remain a tradition synonymous with Japanese.

I will always hate ultraman (dull colors, predictable storyline, endless episodes, need I say more..) and female portrayal in mangas (cos they like to draw innocent slim teen girls wearing extra-mini uniforms with big boobs).

But Garo features shiny gold and silver lion protectors. I love the portrayal of the main actor; serious, strong, dependable. Plus the episodes been brandished as having adult content doesnt hurt much either.

Bleach will always remain one of my favourites cos the storyline, powerful with surprise element swords and a subtle romance thrown in. If only my eyes would stay up till the end of each show, that really would made my day as currently the tv programmes are shown at nearing midnite. I really wanna know what happened to Ichigo fighting Zaraki Kenpachi. *sigh..

I'm growing old as I need to sleep earlier and wake up even earlier, it's frustrating. Healthy lifestyle never really suits me.

Labels: Movie

posted by M.E. # 3:42 PM 0 Comments

Painful Voices

There are voices in my head..

"You are being paid to work, if this stupid thing also you cant do, then you should not be in this line.."

"You don't talk to me. All I need is a word of comfort. Why do you always scold me?"

"There are worst things mum said that I didnt say, don't make me say them."

"You think you are so good meh? Just look at how you work." hehe..smirk..

I close my eyes, I shut my ears..

I tried defending myself..

"But I am only one person.."

"I am sorry. I don't know how to comfort you."

"I wish I could do something different, but I cant"

"I am only human.."

The voices got worst.

"You are fired!"

"I no longer want to talk to you..ever."

"Mum said, you should have gotten married and stay in sarawak and make babies and.."

"I thought so."

Then I pretended nothing touches me..as my heart wrench with tears.

Labels: Pain

posted by M.E. # 6:36 PM 0 Comments

Blue Element

Wish I am a different person somehow.

Wish I dun wish so much.

Wish I dun know so much.

Wish life could be simpler.

Wish I hadnt come out to study and work.

Wish I hadnt put my heart everytime I try to achieve something.

Wish I can let go.

Wish I hadnt been so hard on myself.

Wish I can settle for mediocre sometimes, instead of using up all my energy for something I think worthwhile but is not at the end of the day.

Wish there's some friends whom I can talk to without hearing words like "That's y la..next time set your priorities right." or "Dun trust ppl so much" or "Work isnt everything" or "Get a boyfriend" or "Get married, then no need to work."

Sigh, wish there's some friends whom can tell me "Hang in there, today just one of those low days, better days will come soon enuff" or give me a pat with an understanding smile or lend me a shoulder to cry my heart out once a while, or best of them lots, just a simple "Everything will be ok." and a big hug.

I dun expect ppl to understand what I'm doing half of the time, or why I'm doing the things I do, all I need is the support and encouragement when I feel down, not a lot of words, just a simple, "You are doing fine, Angela, hang in there." or "Dun give up now" or "Everything will be ok".

I wish for things to be simpler when bruised knees can be kissed away and sickness can be cured by simple hot milo placed at the end of the bed.

"Everything will be ok..trust me.." - soft voice

Labels: Pain, Self-Mock

posted by M.E. # 6:14 PM 0 Comments